Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Big and the Little

One of my favorite songs is by Mercy Me called Blink of an Eye. When I hear them sing the line-“How can I further your kingdom when I’m so wrapped up in mine?” I am so convicted… convicted of the many, many times I have been so wrapped up in my plans, my world, working out the details of how I thought my life should be, that I forgot that it’s not about what Amy wants or how Amy thinks it should be, but about furthering God’s kingdom.

I forget that it makes no difference to God how old we are, whether we are rich or poor, have 10 children or none at all. He can use us. God doesn’t care if our kids are too far apart in age- or too close in age…God does not need us to be perfect, experienced, or even prepared… all God cares about is our willingness to obey His call. He will work out the rest of the details… just like he did in my backyard that day.

One of my favorite, yet unexpected, blessings is the bond between the big and the little ones in our house. I actually feared this- feared the large age gap between these kids, worrying that the difference was too great for them to ever really know each other or ever really bond. I fear it so much because you see, it wasn’t MY plan. I didn’t want my kids that far apart in age. It wasn’t how ‘I’ pictured it would be. But a good friend of mine reminded me that we are not to put limitations on God and what He can do. I know I am guilty of this…There are so many times when I have done just that- put limits on God because I couldn’t see the whole picture, couldn’t see how all the pieces could fall into place. I let what the world views as perfect or good stop me from things God has asked me to do…thinking maybe we are too old to adopt or already had too many children to adopt again. I’ve let financial fears stop us from doing the things that God has called us to do, forgetting that God does not need our money. I can find so many reasons why we wouldn’t succeed, couldn’t possibly make it work... and so many fears in my own inadequacies that sometimes I couldn't even take that first step to begin the journey. Yet as I watched through the window as Travis, my 17 year old, taught Mya, my 5 year old, how to dribble that soccer ball and shoot it into the net - I just sat back and smiled. Seeing them spending time together was one of those moments where I knew that my friend had been right- I can’t put limits on God. I can’t see what the future holds or how it will unfold. But God can. My biggest and my smallest do have strong bonds, despite their difference in age and once again God knew what was best.

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30

Lord, so many times I find myself trying to play your role… I put limits on what you can do…. I believe that ‘I’ have it all figured out. How many times have I missed out on a blessing you had in mind because ‘I’ got in the way and lacked faith in you? Help me to remember daily that you are my source of strength and that yes without you ‘I” could not succeed but in you I can do anything you call me to do. I give you credit for all that I am and all that I can do. I am totally dependent on you and nothing apart from you. Everything I have and am comes from your strength. When the doubts creep in, when the weight of the world is too much and I can’t see the way, help me to stay focused on you and you alone.


Anonymous said...

I loved this picture of Trav and Mya. How wonderful that he takes the time to help her learn soccer. She'll remember her big brother helping her too. Hope they will always be close.


Anonymous said...

I love this post because I can relate to it. It is such a blessing to see my oldest Jake hang out with and play with Anna. It's just been happening recently and it stops me in my tracks every time. They are special moments I would have never expected since Jake's so busy "in his world" these days. Definitely a gift! Hugs, DebbieT