Reluctant Husband Syndrome- Part 1

Often, I hear women complaining about RHS- otherwise known as Reluctant Husband Syndrome.

RHS is when the wife wants to adopt but the husband is, well, for lack of better words, reluctant.
It typically goes something like this... "I would love to adopt, but my husband (insert sigh) he just isn't on board yet".

I believe the reason our guys are reluctant to adopt goes a lot deeper than simply "not being on board yet".

So, I'd like to explore RHS in two parts. Because, I believe, there are always two sides of every story. :)

In Part 1, we are going to look at the wives responsibility and the roles she plays in the cause of RHS.

"What?" you say? I have nothing to do with him being reluctant. "HE is the one saying no, HE is the one who is reluctant- I am all for it!"

Just let me explain. You see, I know-because I have experience in this area. I know, because it was once my life.

As I have shared in the past, my life used to 'look' a lot different than it does today. I was not living my life to serve God- I was clearly living to serve the Kingdom of ME.

MY wants, MY desires, MY plans..

It was all about ME, ME, ME...

and I didn't even realize it.

I wanted it all- I wanted the good life.

But then God started speaking to me about the least of these...

God started opening my eyes to the needs of others...

and my heart began to change...

only I hadn't.

While I was touched by adoption, touched by children suffering in third world countries, touched by the things that break God's heart- I was equally as touched by the lure of the mall, the big house and the new car.

Basically, I wanted it all.

I wanted to serve God, adopt orphans, and STILL go on living the American dream.

Worked for me.

Or so I thought...

"No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." Luke 16:13

Now please understand I am not saying there is anything wrong with having nice things. As a matter of fact, I believe God wants for us to enjoy our lives and He wants to bless us with nice things. What I am saying, however, is when having these things stops us from being able to live our lives for God. When we put more of our time into obtaining things than we put into our relationships with God- it is wrong.

It is wrong when we don't think twice about paying $100 for yet another a pair of tennis shoes- but we drop $2.00 into the basket for mission funds at church on Sunday.

And it is wrong when we spend all of our time working to pay for all of the things we just had to have- leaving us no time for our family, let along time to serve God.

And, this my friends, is where I believe the Reluctant Husband Syndrome takes effect.

You see, our guys are good guys. They really are. They have this built in gut instinct to be protectors and providers. God made them that way and that is good. They love us- and the world has told them that in order to love us in the best way- they have to 'give us' everything.

And we tell them the same.

We praise them when they bring us flowers and we fall in love even more with them when they shower us with our hearts desires.

And our guys begin to believe the lie that in order to be good fathers and good husbands- they need to provide us with the fine things in life.

And we cheer them on as they trot off to work- to do just that.

They work and they work and they work to provide us with more and more and more.

We get our nails done, our hair done, and have a purse, shoes and necklace to match every outfit. We decorate our houses, take dream vacations, and eat out several times a week because we don't feel like cooking.

They carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.

And they cannot imagine carrying even more...

So when all of a sudden, we realize something is missing- we decide we want to do more.

We begin to dream of those precious little ones with big brown eyes trapped between four orphanage walls- and we decide to say yes- YES GOD!!! We will go!

And that is a good thing...

Only, while we decide to say yes to God-we are still saying yes to the all of the things the world has to offer.... and we find ourselves trapped by our lifestyle. We still want the new clothes, the high lights in our hair, pedicures, cute outfits AND a house big enough to hold it all- along with enough room for our family to grow.

And all the while, hubbie is at home trying to figure out how we can afford (or pay off) all of our 'must haves' along with the money to raise another.

So, when we discover our husband is not 'on board'- we cannot for the life of us understand why he does not have a heart for adoption.

So let me ask you-

What if you changed?

What if instead of blaming your husband- you began to show him by your actions where your heart truly is?

What if you quit complaining about the laundry, grumbling about cleaning the house and cooking the meals? What if you quit spending money on things that have no heavenly value and started being content with the material things you have?

Or better yet, what if you downsized?

What if you learned to live on less so that you could give more?

What if YOU changed- instead of expecting your husband to?

And what if- after doing all of that- your life started looking different? What if you started being different. What if taking some of that pressure off of your husbands shoulders made your marriage stronger? What if you started not just showing up at church because you were taught you were supposed to- but started praying together as a couple and started seeking the heart of God?

And what if, after doing all of this, your husband quit feeling so reluctant?

So go ahead, sit down with your husband, take his hand and tell him how thankful you are that he is a protector and a provider. Listen to his heart and listen to his fears. Pray together, seek God and search His word. Ask Him to show you- ask Him to make His will clear.

RHS part 2 coming soon.