Wednesday, August 19, 2009

As time goes by...

Yesterday I spent the day packing up Travis and taking him off to college...
today I have spent the morning bawling my eyes out.

It's such a weird feeling. When I walked away from him yesterday, my baby boy, I left him smiling and laughing and happy meeting new friends. Happy to have this new experience, this opportunity in life to further his education, and to discover more about who he is-and the purpose God has for his life.

And yet I am so sad.

Sad at how quickly life goes by, sad that it will never be the same again.

This is exactly what I wanted for him- this is what I prayed about for so long. Yet as I walked into his room this morning, sat on his bed that still smells like a stinky boy, I was overcome with emotions.
Mostly, I think I was mad at myself. Mad for all of the times that I didn't stop and just let myself soak in how truly blessed I was to be living in that exact moment.
Mad that I let time slip by so quickly because I truly didn't realize how quickly things change. Mad because I didn't always stop and appreciate the beauty of the painting he drew me in Kindergarten, the sight of my son sitting in his room playing XBOX, the kiss he blew me as he walked out the door, or the finger smudges he left on the glass door.

I didn't know how fast it would go. I didn't remember to be thankful for every single minute.

Instead I often let the laundry piling up, the errands that needed to be run, or the pressures of this world take priority.

And now, while I am so happy and SO PROUD of the man he has become, my heart is breaking because I just didn't know it would go by so fast.

I love you Travis- thank you for being exactly who you are. I could never, ever ask for more... well, except for it to have not gone so fast.

Make God proud my son- that is all that truly matters.

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Mandi said...

My oldest son will be 13 in October and I am really struggling with the fact that he is going to be a teenager. It seems like yesterday that he was taking his first steps, saying his first words, and throwing his first football. Oh how time flies.

My prayers will be with you as you deal with the fact that your little boy is now a man.


Chris and Sarah said...

Wow, I just sent my oldest to kindergarten and that was a very hard day for me. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to send them off to college.

Thank you for reminding me to stop and pay attention to the little things like the paintings in kindergarten.

Room For More said...

I am praying that the rapture will happen before any of our children go to college...preferrably before kindergarten, too.

I am SO excited for Travis and cannot wait to see how God continues to mold and shape him for Kingdom purposes.

You've done your job well, my friend.

love you all,

Unknown said...

I can attest time goes by way too fast. Lexi was just a preemie in my arms and now she is 15 entering 10th grade!

I praise God that He came into our lives before she was a teen and that He is opening her heart more and more each year to Him!

I praise God that Travis is full of God's love, grace and mercy! Trusting big things for him as he walks this journey holding onto God's hand!

Sending you big Mommy hugs!
I love you precious friend!!!

Check out my post from yesterday and see if you kids want to jump 4 joy with Lexi!


Laurel said...

I know so many people that rejoice when they hit the "empty nest" stage ... but I am so glad that I kept having children after all of my peers stopped.

Baby #6 is flying the nest this year. If I'd stopped at "only 6" than my hubby and I would be moving with no children this fall. So glad that we have 7 more children to bless our lives as we move.

When Travis comes home for his first visit, you will realize that you have a whole new relationship ... and our adult relationships with our 6 adult children are wonderful and amazing. So, rejoice in the fact that you aren't really losing him, you're just moving into a new stage in your relationship. You'll always be his mommy.

mama of 13

Dardi said...

Amyyyyyyyyy--You just got me all choked up, darn it! I was just talking to Joe about this very thing. When we think about adopting another little one, we don't think, "Oh, gosh, now we have 18 more years", we think, "Oh, I hope we can slow these 18 years down b/c we know it's going to go by so fast!"

I'm a little spoiled b/c both of my college kiddos will be living at home again this year (they get free tuition at the university daddy works at, so they decided no student loan AND no debt from on-campus housing is a good thing!). But still, it is different. Their lives are so full & busy, but it is such an awesome time!

Enjoy technology...When Kaelee did move away to college a couple years ago, I think I talked to her more then than I did her senior year through emails & texts! lol I loved the updates I would get from her.

BIG Hugs ~ Dardi

Stacy said...

You just described the EXACT same feelings I went through last year when I took my Wesley to college!
So hard to think about all the times we should have cherished the little moments.
Have you read Let Me Hold You Longer by Karen Kingsbury? If not- get it!
Love your blog-
Your awesome.

Unknown said...

OH man, I am feeling for you right now. I cannot even stand to think about when my kids start going off on their own. But as usual you have handled yourself with such grace. You are an example to many because we all see Jesus in you.

Andrea said...

Crazy how it happens huh?! I have one that is in his second year of college, although he is in town, and one starting Kindergarten. Thank you for the reminder! God bless you, prayers for peace momma. ;o)

Sean and Lisa said...

Bless your momma's heart. I can so feel your pain.

I appreciate your words. I, unfortunately, too often, rush through my days. Your words are a gentle reminder of how precious and fleeting my moments with my children are and how I should be sucking the life out of each moment and savoring them so much more.

Live to love and laugh said...

Your post made me cry. What a handsome man.
Today was orientation for Ann. I am so glad she decided to go to college in town for a year.
Your post reminded me enjoy what time I have left.

Holly said...

thanks for the reminder. I have 4 years left with my oldest son.
and yet I still need to remember to treasure the NOW moments.

Kathleen said...

My oldest turned nine this year and someone told me that it now means I am at the halfway point. It was not the news I wanted to hear and it was not encouraging at all to me. Each day is a gift. I don't want to rush it away. I am praying for you and this very big moment in your life.

Anonymous said...

I thought about you ALL day yesterday...wondering how you guys were doing! What an awesome experience this is going to be for him. You guys will remain in my prayers. Such a good reminder ... cherish each and every moment with our children and don't worry so much about all of the little things that get in the way! Take care and keep us posted on how he is doing! Love you all!


Teresa said...

The first year my mom took me to college, she helped move all my stuff into the dorm, helped me make my bed, helped to start unpacking things from boxes. And we probably both cried buckets. By the fourth year, she would just dump and go :).

I also thought you'd like to know that I had a dream I met your family :). In the dream I accidentally pulled into your driveway and your husband invited me in. Once inside it was like we'd known each other forever and I was telling you about a recent trip I took to a lake! Wouldn't that be just how the Lord would work! Well, I thought it was cute, so I hope it doesn't creep you out!

Karin said...

My oldest is leaving, too, and I am experiencing the same feelings. How does it go by so fast?

Phyllis said...

Oh, you made me cry, too. As much as I try to cherish the time with Kristen while she's small, I know that I need to do better. You've just reminded me of that even more. I'll be crying tomorrow as I send her to 1st grade. I guess it's never going to get any easier :)

The gFamily said...

Now I am really crying! Tonight, I watched a few home videos of my boys when they were 2 and 4 years old, and I realized how fast the last two years have gone and how quickly they grow up! I told myself tonight that I need to enjoy each moment with them! I have also been mourning the loss of time with my oldest now in first grade and gone all day!

After reading your blog, I realized that this is just a very tiny glimpse of what is to come! Leaving your son at college had to be very difficult! I am praying for you and your son during this new phase of life! He will do great!!

Debbie T said...

You make me cry, my sweet friend, because I have already been feeling that way about Jake and he's only 16! He just got his first job and I can feel life changing so fast, how you can't relive the moments when they were younger, that it goes so much faster than you ever thought it would. I hope Travis has a wonderful time at college! Hugs! DebbieT

Unknown said...

I'd like to tell you that sophomore year goes easier, but it is so bittersweet to watch them go off. It is good to know that we enjoy being with our children, good to know that all those years we poured into them helped them to be ready for college. But my mom's heart still aches.

Praying for your son today and for you as you adjust.

On a lighter note: I find that it takes me a while to get the number of kids right when I am counting them. :)