Weekend Getaway

This past weekend Todd and I decided to take the kids away for a few days and give them some family time where we could talk, pray and let our hearts heal. The kids are really missing the fabulous four and we felt like it was a good idea to take a little break from all the stress and just have some family time. We really wanted to give them our undivided attention and a place to share their feelings without interruptions. The weather wasn't as great as we had hoped for- pretty chilly and windy, but actually it ended up being a perfect weekend anyway. The last day did end up being nice enough for a little fishing and trail walking which made the kids day.

I love seeing what my kids can actually come up with when all TVs, computers, PlayStations, Wii's and cell phones are not available. That is actually where the 'dress up' pictures in the previous post came from. :0) Although I admit I did have a couple of 'cheaters' in the cell phone text area...

So what do you do with an empty TV cabinet?

Make your own entertainment!! Move over American Idol! Rock climbing...Playing games...

Laying in the grass...

Skipping rocks.... (no wonder we couldn't catch any fish)

Playing in the tree house...

Um excuse me, is that bed head you have AND a cell phone in your hand sir?

Crafts galore

Whatever Keegan.... ;0)

Piggy back rides...

Just being cute...

Fishing...

Just hanging out...

Gone fishing... did she catch that text?

Doing crafts...

Loving on our babies...
A little basketball...
Still fishing...

Aleigha taking out her frustrations on the world. ;0)

Do you think he's trying to tell me something?

Pillow sandwich...

Ahem... caught again!!
I love you my precious kiddos. Thanks for always making me smile!!

You just can't go wrong

We have company at our house right now, my sweet mom and dad drove all the way here to hug on us for a few days. Thanks mom and dad- we appreciate and love you so much!

However, I really needed to get on here and write this post. A sweet blog reader (thanks Marti) sent me an email saying that they had hoped to adopt a sibling group from the foster system one day and wondered if I had any advice on what to ask, training to take, or what to look for. Hearing this made me realize that ‘our story’ might somehow detour someone from adopting from the foster system, adopting a sibling group, an older child… or perhaps adopting at all.

That is the last thing I would ever want- and the exact thing Satan is hoping for.

So again without invading their privacy I will share the best I can.
I won't lie,the truth is, we did ask all the right questions and we did take all the right steps. We really did. We obviously were not new to adoptions and we did not go into this blind- even if we were blindsided. We prayed and prayed, educated ourselves, took the training and then some, sought advice and then stepped out in faith. Because of that- I know that nothing that happened, happened without God’s consent- and I have peace in that.
As I stated in my previous post- I would do it again. We told God to use us and he did. We were privileged and honored to parent these children- even if the ‘end result’ was not as we had hoped. While yes we are hurting- we can also see God’s hands all over this. For years these kids have carried their abuse inside of them afraid to tell. The truth is, nobody ever knew to help these kids because they didn’t know the extent of their abuse or how they were abused. Nobody could have guessed. Yes mistakes were made, things were left out of the file, and things were probably overlooked. I won’t deny that. However, God knew and I know without a doubt He brought them into our family where they felt safe and were finally able to share their painful past. And now, despite our pain and theirs, they are getting the help they need. It breaks my heart that it couldn’t be in our family, however, what matters in God’s eyes is that we were willing and we obeyed His call.

For us this was never about ‘adopting the perfect children’. There is just simply no such thing. I know we all want to go into an adoption taking the right precautions, being as careful as we can. But truthfully, while you can ask the right questions and you should use your head- educating yourself as much as possible -there will always be the unknowns- and always a certain element of risk.

Always.

Agencies, caseworkers, etc are not perfect- and neither are you or I. Mistakes will be made- count on that. Not because someone is trying to hurt you, or lie to you, but because we/they are human. There is no such thing as a perfect agency and we should not expect them to be. I have seen people become so angry at their caseworkers or agency because things didn’t go exactly the way they wanted.

Does life ever?

Yes there are unethical agencies, which is why we should research and educate ourselves. But I can assure you that there are awesome agencies and case workers out there too. We have used Dillon International, Special Delivery and Safe Havens of Kornerstone and adore them all.

There is also no such thing as a perfect child- whether adopted through the foster system, internationally or biologically. Every time we choose to open our hearts and love there is a risk of being hurt. Our biological children have done things that left me shaking my head wondering why, and I expect the same from our adopted children. I have hurt people, I am so not perfect, and I should never expect a child to be either. So if you are only willing to adopt because you desire a perfect child, expect a perfect adoption agency and experience- then adoption probably isn’t for you.

Actually- parenting probably isn’t for you at all.

Yes we are hurt. Deeply. But I also know that when we go through the most painful times in our lives that is when God is able to change us, mold us, and teach us the most.
That is a gift in itself.

Our deepest prayer is that we will not let bitterness take hold of our hearts and stop us from serving. Of course there were times where we were angry, frustrated and physically sick. Times where I wanted to throw up my hands and say “We are done...”

And you know what- that too is exactly what Satan was hoping for.

I don’t know what the future holds for our family, but if we are done it will only be because God says so. I refuse to let hurt, fear or bitterness stop us from opening our home to a child who needs a family.

Ever.

The day the kids left I was hugging and holding them all, telling them over and over how much they were loved and wanted. I didn’t for one second want them to think that they were going because they were ‘bad’ or because they were not wanted by us. Our precious Lainey looked me in eye and said “Mommy, will they know I am a real princess where I am going?”

Lainey left our house that day wearing her tiara and knowing down deep in her heart that she was loved, she was wanted, she was cherished and she would always be God’s real princess.

So, what advice do I have?
Pray.
Trust.
Educate yourself
Listen
Love.
Be willing.
Take that risk.
And know that no matter what- when you love a child it can never, ever turn out wrong.

Mark 9:37 "Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me."

Are you living a crazy love for your God or are you too scared to let go?

When you have to let go

All of us take risks in our lives, some are big and some are so small I doubt if we even realize we are taking them.
We might risk lending a hand to a stranger not knowing if it will be appreciated or offend them… We might send our money to a ‘cause’ and not know if it ever got into the right hands.
But we know that each time we ‘step out there’ God knows too and it is always worth the risk if your heart was in the right place.

Always.

Life in general is a risk- because if we fail- if we fall, there will be pain.
And sometimes the fear of that pain keeps us stranded- afraid to move.
But as I look back over my life and all of the risks we have taken- some ended up working out and some ended us up in a place we never wanted to be…
Yet through it all God was there by our side, holding us through it, knowing that we knew He was always worth the risk.
God doesn’t always promise us a happy ending, but He promises that He will never leave us. And when we are finally able to stand again we can look back and see how we have grown and changed and slowly, ever so slowly we begin to heal…
Risk is often associated with the unknowns- and fear. Yet I have found that I have never once regretted taking a risk to help/love a child. That doesn’t mean that things always turn out the way we wanted them to, it doesn’t mean that there won’t be pain.

There have been so many times I have been thankful people have taken a risk on me. My husband, for marrying me and adopting Travis as his own. My parents for believing that I actually might grow up one day and learn to behave myself. My sister Jenny for sticking by my side through some pretty crazy risks I have taken in my life and always believing in me anyway. My kids, for supporting me, trusting me and cheering me on. My precious friends- you know who you are- who have listening to my crazy ideas, listened to me cry, whine and still answer your phone when I call! :0) I love you all and am so thankful you think I am worth the risk.

Blogs are a funny thing. Sometimes, we get to see glimpses of someone’s story- paragraphs perhaps- but not the entire book. And that is unfortunately what you will get here. I truly wish you could ‘read’ the entire book- or see the whole picture because I know that if you did you would be able to better understand. You would know what it was like to be in our position, you would feel the gut wrenching pain, cry our tears, and know our sorrow.
I think life is pretty much that way. God see’s the whole story- the BIG picture- we only get to see a part of His plan. We see what is going on in our homes, between our 4 walls, we pray, seek God and then make the best decisions we can from the information we have. That is all we can do. But God knows. He knows our hearts and He understands our deepest desires- yet all the while working things out for the good of those who love Him.
Francis Chan wrote in his book Crazy Love “Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending”. So that is where we are right now. Broken hearted, but knowing that God is all knowing and see’s ‘the entire picture', and understands the whole story in a way that we will never be able to comprehend.

This last week the sibling group of four we were hoping to adopt left our home. Out of respect to these children that we love with all of our hearts, children that we thought of as ‘ours’ and prayed endlessly for- I will not share ‘the whole story’. I know being on your end of the computer it will be hard to understand, and I am sorry for that. But I will tell you one thing- we truly loved and truly wanted these kids- and the decision was not ours for them to go. There was an issue of safety and with the advice of therapist and other medical professionals- and despite our best efforts- we were not able to keep all of the children in our home safe if they stayed. Because of this, CPS made the decision to move the children into another home in order to keep the children in our home safe. The choice was not ours. This is not, for one second, the way we ever thought this would play out. But we know that God knows our hearts- He knows that we were and are still willing to risk everything to love a child, even if the final outcome is not what we had hoped for. We are left now holding the pieces of our broken hearts and broken dreams. But I have no regrets. We loved these kids, rocked them, sang to them, took care of them when they were sick. We taught them about Jesus and they knew they were adored, wanted and loved unconditionally. And while CPS made the choice that their futures did not include us- we know that God knew all along.

We told Him to use us- and we feel privileged that He did...even when it hurts.

I won’t claim to understand or like this decision. I admit in the darkest of hours I question God as to why He allowed this to happen. But what I do know is because there is sin in this world, people make mistakes and those mistakes have long term effects.
I cannot change that. I can only be who I am and always be willing to take a chance and love.

We miss you our precious fabulous four. May you always be happy and always, always know how much you are loved.

Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see. ~ Corrie ten Boom

The Discovery of you

One of my greatest gifts as a mother is watching my kids discover who they are... trying on different ‘hats’ so to speak. Finding their strengths and even their weaknesses. Growing comfortable with who they are- coming face to face with the exact person God made them to be.

Every day, every experience, is a part of our story. Some of those experiences will be good, others will hurt. And yet still, combined they become a part of who we are and who we are to become...

The truly amazing thing about discovering who we are is that it never stops. We are constantly changing and growing in ways we can never predict. Who we were five years ago is not necessarily who you are today. And who you are right now is not necessarily who you will be in five years. But one thing remains constant- along the way, God has been doing very specific things inside of us to help us become the person who He created us to be...

After all, for us, this is a journey of discovery for us...

“Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days, ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:16)

Every day is planned out before we are even breathed into existence. So what does that have to do with me or you? A lot, dare I say everything?

There is freedom in knowing God and knowing your place.

You don’t have to be the next greatest whatever. God’s designs are all perfect and you are one of them.

He has a purpose just for you …

We spend much of our time working and striving to please other people or to be a certain way because we place so much importance on how the world sees us, when our only concern should be the respect and admiration of Him.

Just be the you God made you to be.

There is only one you.
Don't fight it...

It’s the best most perfect thing you could do with your life.

And don't be a fake...

Just be YOU.. silly, quirky, beautiful YOU.

"Fear is a self imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends for you to be. You must move against it with the weapons of faith and love." Rick Warren

The perfect combination

I remember when my precious daughter Addisyn was about 4 years old she was always begging me for a sister. She wanted a sister so badly to play dress up and dolls with because her brothers would usually have nothing to do with that. So, she learned how to make the best of it and either play alone, with me or with her brothers.

Looking back now I just love how God put that combination together and created the most amazing person with the most amazing personality.

Addisyn, I love how you have grown into such a confident, independent, and loving child of God. I am so proud of how you believe in yourself and know your dreams. And, I am so thankful that you still share them with me. You are such a blessing and I am so thankful God made you just the way you are.

But what still makes me smile like no others~is how you still know how to play with your brothers!

Wonderful get away with friends

So ya, guess what incredibly wonderful thing happened to me last weekend? I had a night AWAY! Yep- just me and two of my awesome friends left all of our kiddo's behind and took a much needed break. Between the 3 of us we have 21 kids (almost 22 if you count the new precious bundle in my friend Kim's tummy!) We went shopping, hit the hotel hot tub and enjoyed being served at a restaurant. It was heavenly and a much needed break for all of us. Brandy (in the middle) has a precious 7 year old son, Andrew, who is battling leukemia (but doing wonderful thank you Jesus!) And Kim is pregnant with her 9th child (all biological). We all go to church together and their friendship has been such a blessing to me. Thanks girls for being there for me. Love you both!!

Missing children- Duncan and Jack

My sister is a school nurse in Illinois and 2 little boys from her school were abducted. Click below for photo's and if you see them please call as soon as possible. I cannot imagine how much this family and community are hurting!!

ATTENTION:On March 8th 2009 Duncan and Jack Connolly were allegedly abducted by their father, Michael Connolly. A felony warrant for Kidnapping was issued for Michael on March 9, 2009.
They may still be in the local area or they may travel to Hoffman Estates, Illinois in a grey Dodge Dynasty with license plates A326109.More information is available with the attached Poster or you can visit the website: http://tinyurl.com/missingchildrensalert

ANYONE HAVING INFORMATION SHOULD CONTACT National Center for Missing & Exploited Children1-800-843-5678 (1-800-THE-LOST)orLeRoy Police Department (Illinois)
1-309-888-5030

In my back yard

Okay I confess I have been a horrible blog slacker lately. There is really just so much going on and my poor blog has taken the back seat. But I wanted to share that a few weeks ago I had the privilege of spending the day with 2 amazing adoptive, blogging mama's. Can I just tell you what a blessing it was to be in their presence of these 2 AWESOME moms and their beautiful children. Precious children from all over the world playing together in my back yard!! Beautiful, Godly mama's sharing their hearts and their wisdom. Seriously, does it get any better than that? Just wanted to say thank you Christine http://www.welcometomybrain.net/ and Leslie http://recoveringnoah.blogspot.com/ I just love the way you both view your life and your world. Your wisdom, insight, and friendship are PRICELESS!!

Happy St. Patricks Day!

Going Green...

For breakfast we had green eggs and ham, green butter on our toast and green milk in our cereal!!

(this picture was actually taken for Abby's purple tongue post but hey it fits!)

Hope everyone has a great St. Patricks day!! :0)

Go GREEN!!!

Operation Princess

Ever want to do something to make a difference? Ever wanted to know that you were a part of something bigger, something grander, something sweeter than you could have ever dreamed? Ever wanted to swoop in and make someone feel like a princess? Well, here is your chance!!

~Sarah lives in India with her husband and three kids. They run India Christian Ministries, and Sarah "adopts" children from government institutions and places them in various homes that she's set up in her area. We're not talking healthy, robust children here. Sarah has a heart for those who are left behind... those with severe mental retardation, autism, cerebral palsy, birth defects - those who were never adopted from an orphanage and "aged out" and were put into institutional care.
There's Rachel - who's leg was in a cast for so long - who was never taken of - and who now needs an amputation.
There's little Noah, who has scoliosis, whose hip is out of joint and who has bilateral microphthalmia.
There's Promise - sweet Promise - who most likely laid on her back on a bare floor for the last 14 years. She is blind and has so many health problems that I wouldn't know where to begin. Was she ever held? Did anyone ever wipe her tears and tell her she was beautiful? That she is loved?Sarah does just that. She takes these kids and see them how Jesus sees them. And she doesn't just put them in homes - she takes care of them. She makes sure that they have access to the best possible resources - OT, PT, Speech Therapy, Special Education - and all the operations they need to help them have a full life.
She fights for them.
Loves them.
Grieves for them.
Cares for them.
42 of them. All wonderfully made in the eyes of the Lord.
Today, Sarah started Operation Princess. Her latest three posts are about this new endeavor. You can find Sarah's full blog HERE .Please read about Operation Princess.
If anyone has a dress to donate, please contact Leslie at lesliebucknerthomas@yahoo.com
Leslie is hoping to collect as many dresses as possible to send to
Sarah so that these wonderful, beautiful girls can feel pretty and special. Because they ARE.
And while you're at it, please look through Sarah's entire blog. It is truly an act of God. You will be amazed.

Please feel free to put this on your blog and get the word out and let's help these precious little ones not only look beautiful but feel the love!!! :0)

Serious.life Magazine

Long before Abby Riggs was diagnosed with leukemia Michelle and I became friends through adoption. One thing that I loved about Michelle was her faith. She was constantly asking people how she could pray for them. That stuck with me. It’s kind of nice to know that someone cares enough about you to ask how they can pray. There have been some dark days in our lives (especially lately) where I know the power of prayers was the only thing getting us through.

Since Abby was diagnosed I have heard many people say when the hard days rear their ugly heads in their lives “well, at least it isn’t as bad as what poor Abby and her family are going through, I can’t imagine." And I understand. Watching your baby, your precious child suffer has to be the hardest thing any parent could ever go through. Yet when I talk to Michelle or Brent- there is always laughter in their voice or in the background somewhere in the hospital room. They are always so positive, while still keeping a healthy balance of reality of Abby’s situation. And as I look at the ‘little’ blog that Michelle first started before abby was diagnosed I remember Michelle dragging her feet to start a blog because she thought she didn’t have anything interesting to say- and how no one would read it anyway... I shake my head now and smile at all of their followers. And in the mist of it all, in the middle of Abby’s treatments, is Michelle, still smiling, her voice still of laughter, asking how people how she can pray for them- all because of her faith.

"Faith is not a belief that everything will turn out to please us; rather it is the confidence that no matter how things turn out, God will somehow use the events in our days for His glory and for our good".


Awhile back Brent, Abby’s daddy, who happens to be amazingly talented, started a Christian on line magazine called Serious Life. I happen to think it is fabulous, not only because Travis appreared on the cover with Abby- but just because it is an all around great magazine. If you haven’t yet you need to check it out. http://www.seriouslifemagazine.com/ You too will be blessed.
And Michelle, I know you are busy, and I know you don’t have time to read all blog posts anymore- but just wanted to tell you thanks. Thanks for your friendship and thanks for being the real deal. (And Brent you pretty much rock too!) Love you guys and praying every day for Abby.

The things you do for love

Our family loves the Riggs family http://www.riggsfamilyblog.com/ to pieces. We pray for them daily and Princess Abby has a special place in our hearts~ and I know many of you feel the exact same way. Aleigha and Abby have a special connection but when they were visiting this last time something funny happened. Abby claimed my 18-year-old son Travis as one of her 'boyfriends'. And well, Travis, being a sucker for cute girls, couldn't help but to be smitten by Abby as well.

Then when Abby's daddy asked people to make video's for Abby Travis couldn't resist. So, he threw aside his studly image and did this...

Absolutely anything to make Abby feel better and smile. We love you Abby girl- keep fighting and we will keep praying.

Now what can you think of to do to make Abby smile?