Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Who am I?

After I wrote my last post I have had so many comments and personal emails from people sharing their hearts and saying how much that post convicted them. That is why I love you guys all so much- I know so many of you truly do want to make a difference and that you really do care.

I wanted to say though that I never wrote that post to make anyone feel guilty. I wrote it during my devotion time because it was something that God was really speaking to ME about… and He has been for the past few years.

Once I saw what I saw in Guatemala and heard others adoption stories and experiences-it was too overwhelming- way to big- to continue to ignore. Something inside of me started to change. Material possessions became less important to me, my comfort became less important to me, my status, my pride, became less important to me.

Instead of constantly seeking more, God began to show me how much I truly had.

He somehow woke me up and made me see so clearly how I had fallen into the worldly trap. I knew we had a decision to make. He asked me if I was done living for things that really didn’t matter...big houses, new cars, vacations, impressing others- and instead, would I simply live for Him.

While people around me were asking us if we were ever going to be ‘done’ adopting (as in they obviously thought we were crazy because the number of kids we had) we were telling God we would never be done serving Him in anyway He asked.

If God calls us to adopt 20 children- then who are we to say no?

Who are we to put a limit on God?

Our job is to say “Yes Lord”, your will be done, every single time He calls.

We soon began to realize though in order to be able to say "Yes Lord"- we needed to make some changes that would enable us to do more. Our focus had to come off of us- and entirely on Him. Our time, our energy, our resources- had to all belong to Him. We decided we would no longer say ‘you can have this and this God, but not 'this or this' as we had been previously doing. We realized we had been giving God our left overs. You know, the things that convenienced us- not the things that were hard, the things that weren’t popular, or the things that might hurt.

Again, God made it clear He wanted it all.

So, we sold our nice, big, new, spacious, comfortable house- packed up our family, and moved across the states into a home that was a lot less expensive and that needed quite a bit of work.

While we were busy working hard at fixing up our new home- God was working hard at fixing up our hearts. He began to show us where our priorities were not lined up with His priorities.

As we cleaned out the dirt in our new house, he was busy cleaning out the dirt in our hearts.
As we were busy patching the holes in the walls, He was at work repairing our minds.
As we were busy pulling out the old, ugly carpet scraps, He was busy scraping out the ugliness in our lives.
And as we began to lay the new foundation in our home for a new bedroom for Kaden- God began to lay the new foundation of the path in which we were to take.

There are days though where I sometimes forget, where I still struggle and where I let my pride creep back in. I loose focus on Him and focus on myself and my desires. It’s times like that where I can gently feel Him pulling me back and reminding me of what/who really matters.
During my daily devotions is when He spoke to me and that is why I wrote that last post.
It’s so easy to forget, so easy to slip back into just being comfortable. And yet- that is exactly what I have begged God not to let happen.

I don’t want to forget… I can’t let myself forget- because there is too much at stake.

I refuse to let myself ever be ‘done’. Who I am to announce to God, the King of Kings that I am done serving Him in any way He asks? I don’t want to reach a certain age and decide I am done serving- that I have done my share.
I don’t want to reach a certain number of children that the world see’s as acceptable and announce that we am ‘done’.
I will never turn my back on a child in need, a child God calls us too, simply because of a number that sounds too big.
And who am I to say no to God because we feel too old, because we are comfortable now, because we are finally able to take that vacation, because our kids are finally big enough to stay home alone?

Not doing it.

If the King of the universe sees anything in a sinner like me that could possibly be useful than I am more than honored.

I don’t know what the future holds, I don’t know if God will be bless with more children (we hope so) and I don’t know who they are or where they will come from. What I do know is that we are willing, we are praying, and we will go where ever God leads us... no matter what the cost.


HollyAnn said...

Amy, Thanks for sharing both of these posts. I am so weary! I am so ready to give up the battle on all fronts. This is a reminder that God intends for me to fight...even in my weary times....I better get off this computer and get busy!

Unknown said...


I love you!


Be in prayer for us over what God is calling us to next!


Laurel said...

Beautiful post!

For over 20 years we've been asked, "Are you done yet?" As you said, "No ... we will never be done taking care of children." Our door is always open ... to young and old.

We don't live with a lot of material "stuff" (compared to many American Believers) ... but we are considering a move which will simplify our lives even further. We are looking seriously at the question, "What do we really need, in order to fulfill His calling on our lives?"

Keep sharing your thoughts!

Laurel :)

Adeye said...

Oh my friend--we have such kindred hearts! That is EXACTLY how we feel. EXACTLY. How I would love to meet you in person--I think we'd have a lot to say :)

Amy said...

This is so beautiful and inspirational. Thank you for sharing your story.
Blessings to you and your family,

Live to love and laugh said...

So true my friend.
When God changes your heart you cannot ignore the calling. You cannot play like you didn't hear.
It becomes too real to ignore!

Holly said...

Oh Amy. Thank you for sharing that.
My heart is so full.
I know you didn't write your last beautiful post to make anyone feel guilty. I had just been having some conversation with friends about the need for orphan care versus adoption and after reading what you wrote, I anticipated that some would feel that it was a guilt trip to try to get "comfy christians" to adopt.
I do not believe we all are supposed to adopt, but we ARE all supposed to do something for the orphans and widows of the world.
And so many of us ARE called to adopt and miss out on the amazing blessings God has for us because of fear. The world says some of us are crazy. Adopting "foreign" kids, kids with medical needs, kids with HIV....good heavens, why would we want to do that? I honestly have had someone ask me that. Anyway...you keep on keeping it real Amy. Thanks again for the reminder that it is a privilege to serve God in whatever way He calls us to.

Kelly said...

There are so many blog friends I want to lasso and move in next door to me! You are SO one of them! I like to think I can support this passion to live differently, make a difference, and follow my heart for the orphan even if NO ONE else on earth felt this way... but I am so glad I don't have to find out if it is true! :) You are an inspiration! Thank you for your gently spirit! And your courage in following the heart of God!

Nicole said...

This post was more fabulous than the last one! AWESOME! THAT is the way I feel as well!