If there is one thing I struggle with on a daily basis it’s trying to be enough for everyone…

 as a mama to 9 and working in missions, seeing the overwhelming needs around me, I struggle with not being enough.

What I have come to realize is that I am not.

I am not enough.

And never will be.

But the best part is...

 He is.

And He never intended for me to be-

 or else I would get all the glory.

God has a plan better than anything I could ever come up with- and so I trust. Trust that in the areas that I am lacking- He will fill in.

I had someone asked me the other day- why Village of Hope was only going to focus on children with HIV/AIDS- because HIV wasn’t their ‘thing’.

All I know, is that I am pretty sure these children living with HIV/AIDS did not choose HIV/AIDS to be their ‘thing’ either…

 but they were not given that choice.

And there is no doubt in my mind that if Jesus walked on the face of the earth today He would be hanging out with those with HIV/AIDS as it is the modern day leprosy.

"This is how we know we are in Him: Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did" 1 John 2:5b-6

Because none of us can be enough I believe that sometimes God places certain things in our hearts. If we ALL only wanted to adopt from China- then who would take care of the kids from Ethiopia and who would take care of the kids from the foster system? If we all only wanted to adopt kids with cleft palates- who would adopt the children who are blind and the children who are deaf? If we all only wanted to adopt child with special needs- who would adopt the child who was healthy?

 The point is- we are all called- but sometimes God places a special focus on that calling in our life… and He provides the resources that come along with that calling. Some of us are called to adopt, others are called to give. Some of us are called to go- others are called to be senders. Some of us are called to start an organization- others of us are called to teach Sunday school.

 And one is not greater than the other.

God see’s the whole picture while we do not.

And we cannot.

Ever.

And so we trust- in His plan.

At Village of Hope we will welcome ALL special needs children- as long as God provides the necessary care for us to provide for them. We can’t do it without funds, without help, or the things needed to care for that child properly.   We are trying- trust me… we said 'YES GOD'- and left those doors open wide- for God to send those needed…

Now we pray and we ask and we work….

And we remain willing.

Starting a project like Village Of Hope from scratch is no easy feat. Trust me, we have laid in bed many nights loosing sleep wondering how in the world we will be able to do this.

And what we have come to realize is- we can't. 

But God can.

And so we are doing all we are able to do, and being blown away by those God has sent us to come along side of us doing all they can- instead of pointing out what we cannot.

Training is being translated into Spanish for house parents- all God’s people.

Camps are being put together for the children- ALL God’s people.

Partnerships are being made- ALL God’s people.

Donations are being gathered- ALL God’s people.

State Reps are standing in the gaps- All God’s people.

Boards are being assembled- ALL God’s people.

People are advocating and using their voice- ALL God’s people.

Fundraisers are being planned- ALL God’s people.

Prayers are being prayed- ALL God’s people.

What the Lord has taught me along this journey is that I don’t have to have all of the answers. That I’m not supposed to be everything to everyone, and that I don’t have to do it all on my own. I just have to be willing to do what I can do today…

And trust Him to do the rest…

Because it’s going to take a VILLAGE…

A Village Of Hope.

I wondered why somebody didn't do something. Then I realized, I am somebody.~ Author Unknown 

A sweet friend made these beautiful necklaces as a fundraise for Village of Hope!!! I absolutely LOVE them!!
Check them out, get one for your mom, all of your friends and neighbors too. ;)

Thanks Stacy!!
You are such a blessing!!!
http://jubileesjewels.com/voice-of-hope-necklace

Open doors... Our exciting news...

If I am honest I have to admit one of the things I like least in this world is change. Change is hard. Change says something you are doing is going to be different. Change implies loss of comfort. Change is scary. Change means letting go of control. Change means putting everything you know in God’s hands- and trusting He has a plan.

Our family has been through much change this past year- and through it we have experienced growth that would have never been possible otherwise.

And yet God is not done.

Through a series of events the Lord began to open some doors BIG,WIDE and OBVIOUS in a way that only He could do.

When a door is opened you have two choices- walk through it or close it... and miss out on what the Lord had planned...

When the Lord first called us onto the mission field He placed a burning passion in our hearts for the least, the lost, the last and the lowest in our hearts. This requires faith in a God who operates from a different set of values that are sometimes difficult to measure from human standards. We asked the Lord to use our lives in a mighty way, for a cause greater than ourselves. And so we will move out of the way and let Him have His way in us… even when we cannot see where the road ahead will lead.

This blog post has been one of the most difficult I have ever written... how do you begin to put into words something that the Lord has been working on since before you even understood what He was up to?

We have been given the opportunity to extend our ministry in a way we only dreamed could be possible. This June our family will be leaving Eagles Nest to begin a new ministry called Village Of Hope in San Lucas Sacatepequez, Guatemala. Village of Hope is an initiative of Lifesong for Orphans and a partner of Project Hopeful in conjunction with Manna Worldwide. We could not be more honored and thrilled to be serving under the leadership of these well-respected, Godly organizations. Yet God took it a step further and blessed us with another amazing missionary couple The Uchereks to join us in this endeavor. We could not be more blessed.

The vision of Village of Hope is to provide family, faith and a future to the least of these- to give them a place where HOPE can enter their world. We will do this by providing holistic orphan care to special needs orphans, primarily focused on those living with HIV/AIDS in a family style setting. Each family style unit will consist of house parents as well as 6-8 children in the home. Our hope is to create a family unit as God intended- a family to provide life- long support as well as teach the children to have life values. The goal is to avoid institutional living and prevent children from being thrown out on the streets when they are 18. We will do this by equipping them with family- as well as life skills that meet their physical, emotional, spiritual, and educational care. Because adoptions are closed in Guatemala there is little hope of the children ever begin adopted into families of their own. One part of our vision is to develop relationship in the Guatemalan Evangelical churches, to come along side of them, educating them on God’s heart for the orphan, HIV/AIDS, as well as adoption.
 

We have learned so much from serving here at Eagles Nest. We have grown to loved the workers, the people in the community and especially the children we have come to think of as our own. Now we find ourselves in a place trying to figure out how to let go... We treasure every last hug, every last giggle and we cherish the memories of the day Jen got her hearing aids and heard clearly for the first time, the day I first held 10 day old Abi in my arms, the day Kevin was reunited with his siblings and the day Lizzy took her first steps. We will tuck those precious memories away in the corner of our hearts and pray we never forget a single moment...

Yet as hard as it is to let go we look ahead to the future, to the children who need to know He is Lord, the children who need a chance and who need to know HOPE is in the Lord. And so it is, we will once again say “yes Lord” use us in the way you see fit and we take that first step forward.

We fully admit starting from ground zero at Village of Hope is scary and yet at the same time exciting! Because it’s going to take a village- we cannot wait to see who God sends to partner with us. We cannot wait to see who else says 'YES LORD'. So we invite you to join us and become a part of what He is doing here in Guatemala. We challenge you to really pray and ask the Lord what part He may have you play. We are in need of state side reps who will advocate for Village of Hope, sharing the stories of children, be a voice to the voiceless, and making the needs known. We are in need of prayer partners, financial partners and people who are who are willing to do something more than just sit on the sidelines for the Kingdom of God. We are in need of The Church. So we encourage you to ask God what part He may have you play. We invite you to come, to see, to visit, to experience, and to become as invested in the lives of these orphans – as He is.:)

If you would like to know how you can be a part of Village of Hope please feel free to contact us at: amy@lifesongfororphans.org

 It is a terrible thing to die of hunger

because there is no food...

But it is even more terrible to die of hunger

when the supermarkets are full.

(photo credit)

Nothing left but Jesus...

For whatever reason, the word ‘risk’ keeps going through my mind lately.

Risk standing up for what you believe in- even when people think you are crazy.
Risk taking that first step- even if you don’t know where it will lead.
Risk giving your heart away- even if you know it will hurt.
Risk looking different, being different and living different- in a world where fitting in seems the right thing to do.

This morning when I was flipping through the pages in my bible the Lord brought me to this verse:

Matthew 25:24-25 “Then the servant with the one bag of silver came and said, “Master, I knew you were a harsh man, harvesting crops you didn’t plant and gathering crops you didn’t cultivate. I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it in the earth. Look, here is your money back.’

In this verse there is an element of safety that I have to admit- I can relate to. Play it safe, stay comfortable, the world out there is a cruel place- you must protect yourself and come out on top.

And then I turned to the study notes and here it what it said:

“This man was thinking only of himself. He hoped to play it safe and protect himself from his hard master, but he was judged for his self-centeredness. We must not make excuses to avoid doing what God calls us to do. If God truly is our Master, we must obey willingly. Our time, abilities and money aren’t ours in the first place- we are caretakers, not owners.”

I am sure admitting to be self-centered is something that most of us are not going to want to do... so, just to bide my time, I looked up the definition of self -centered and this is what it said:

self-centered Adj.
1. self-centered - limited to or caring only about yourself and your own needs interested only in one's own affairs; selfish. She's too self-centred to take any interest in my troubles.

And so, I got honest with myself and honest with God... and I challenge you to do the same. Look back over the past week of your life… and then back over the past year. Who or what have you been living for? Now open your checkbook- what do the numbers show? Who or what has been in the #1 spot of your life?

For some of you, it will be the Lord… and I want to say thank you for that. Thank you for the example you are to me and to those around you. You have no idea how many people are watching- and how they are seeing Jesus on earth through your life. For others of us, we have some confessing to do- and it won’t be easy.

So often in my life I admit I have been the one standing, clinging to my bag. And, if I’m honest- it felt good to have ‘something I can cling to.' It felt good to fool myself into somehow thinking that I was safe if I did so. But that my friend is such a lie. It’s not who gets to the end with the most prizes- it’s who gets to the end and hears the words ‘well done, my good and faithful servant.

Yesterday we did home church as a family. As I was listening to David Platt he said these simple words that shook me to the core “It’s better to lose our life than to waste it.”

Did you catch that?

Did you really let it sink in?

If you are living solely for yourself- than your life is considered a waste.

It’s better to have a short existence here on earth and make your life count for His Kingdom- than to live to be 102 years old and have it have counted for nothing- but yourself. We, you and I, are responsible to use well what God has given us. The issue is not how much we have- but how well we use what we have been given.

If you haven’t already I challenge you to GIVE CHRIST your life. ALL of it. Every single tiny morsal of anything you have been holding tightly in the palm of your hand.

I don’t know what your ‘bag of crops’ looks like- but you do- and so does God. So go ahead and ask Him how you can turn what He has given you into something so much more- for His Kingdom.

I’ll end this with a few more wise words from David Platt that hit home with me. He said: “Christianity which cost nothing- produces the same." I don’t know about you, but one day when I stand before God I want to have used ALL that He has blessed me with for His glory. I don’t want to try to impress Him with my big house, pedicured nails, and vacation photos… only to hear Him say “I don’t know you." More than anything I want to be dirty, wrinkled, empty handed and exhausted knowing I used it all for His glory. 

                                                                       (photo credit)

Dear God, more than anything in this world I want my life to bring YOU glory. Forgive me for the times I have made it about me. Forgive me for the times I hesitated to trust you, the times I let fear stop me from living full and completely for you.Forgive me for the times I put pleasing man in front of pleasing you. Forgive me for the times when I saw a need and I had something to give- only I did not. Help me to release my bags and in joy give you ALL I have and all that I am. In Jesus name. Amen.
    

The difference love makes..

Polo came to the children's home just one week ago sad and afraid. So afraid that he actually tried to run away. Polo's father died just 15 days before arriving at Eagles Nest and his step mother was unkind to him. Seeing this scared little boy come to life has been such a joy to all of us here. We love you Polo and we are so blessed to have you in our lives.

Enough

Someone asked me the other day if I still had a blog... and I felt something catch in my throat, and in the pit of my stomach. You see, I love my blog. I love looking back over this amazing journey the Lord has brought us on. I love the people I have met along the way and the priceless friendships that have been formed. I love seeing the growth our family has made spiritually and in size. I love having it on record.

But lately, so many things have come in the way of my having time to keep up on here... and I am learning very quickly that full time mission work and raising 9 children of my own is no easy feat.

 God blessed me with these precious souls and I need to be there for them...

and for him...

and for them...

and the many others who continue to come to our children's home in need of so much...

from early morning feedings...

to late night emergency runs...

To families who are hurting...

And families who are lost...

and those who are struggling...

And I am left wondering how we are ever going to be enough..

good enough
wise enough
strong enough
fast enough
cool enough
organized enough

And left with the realization we never will be.

But then in the still of the morning, as my feet hit the floor and a new day has begun...I seek His face.

And I am reminded once again that I don't have to be...

Because He is.

He is enough.

'Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' Isaiah 41:10

And so today, we begin anew. One foot in front of the other, relying on Him, trusting in Him, seeking his face in all we do. Blog posts may go unwritten, laundry may pile up, and emails may go answered for weeks- but we keep moving forward even when we fail, even when we can't be enough.

Because when God called us He never expected us to be perfect. He never expected us to have all of the answers. He never expected us to do it on our own. All He asked was for us to GO out of obedience and to make Him known.

I am here Lord...

your will be done.  

So many of my smiles

begin with you...

Woke up again to no water. And I gotta admit, it made me a little grouchy.

And then the Lord gently reminded me that people all around me were living every single day of their lives without running water in their homes, without hope of ever having a hot shower, but worse yet...

without Him.

 And then, because God is God- He blessed me in an even greater way…

With this…

And I stand in awe.

Moral of the story… always look for the good in life because sometimes,

 it’s right there,

 just waiting for you to take notice of it.

Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy in his dwelling place.

1 Chronicles 16:27

"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing."

~Albert Einstein

Her eyes, His hands.

I remember the day so clearly as if it were only yesterday...

It was a few days after Christmas, the house was chilly despite the heater kicking off and on through out the morning. The kids and I were sitting on on the couch snuggled up in blankets, doing a devotional, when the phone ring. As I had done for the past 2 years my mind quickly sent up a silent prayer "Please Lord let it be our adoption agency with a referral."  After 2 long years, our prayers were answered. On the other end of the phone was our adoption caseworker announcing "we have a baby girl!"

Thirty minutes later, after the cheers settled down, we received an email of what we thought was the most beautiful baby girl in this entire world...

And 6 long months later the day finally came when our dream came true... the baby girl we had prayed for, dreamed of, and loved before she even existed, was placed in our arms in the comfort of a hotel room in Guatemala.

The miracle of adoption...

there is simply nothing more beautiful in my book.

And yet, as with any adoption story, there is another side that we often choose to ignore. The side that goes unnoticed on our adoption announcements, the side that the photo of the proud parents holding their child for the first time doesn't show. The side we'd just as soon forget ever existed...

The empty arms of another.

For the past 8 years, from time to time, I would allow my mind to go there... I would wonder if she was okay, what she was like... did she have her eyes, did they share the same laugh?

And I wondered, if she too, wondered the same...

About a month ago I came to the decision that I needed to know the answer to these questions if at all possible. While I didn't and still don't feel that Aleigha is old enough to handle meeting her birth family, I also didn't want her to one day say to me- "we were right there serving the people in Guatemala and you didn't even try to see if they were okay?" And so, with the help of two friends- the search began.

It didn't take long actually... we had the general area from her adoption paperwork and so Felis and I simply drove my Guatemalan friend (who speaks the native language Cakchiquel and Spanish) to that area and we started asking if anyone knew of her. We were careful not to let them know why we were asking out of respect of her privacy. We also didn't know if she would even want to hear from us and we certainly didn't want to cause her any harm.

After about the 12th stop we landed at the home/store of her brother-in-law..

There we were told that she no longer lived in the area, that she and her children and husband worked in the fields somewhere near the coast- but that sometimes they came back to visit. And so, with little hope, we left them a phone number, knowing we had at least tried.

Two days ago my Guatemalan friend called and told me that he had just received a phone call from her because her brother-in-law told her a Guatemalan man and two gringo's had come by looking for her. (so much for trying to be nonchalant). Apparently it is rare for Americans to visit their area in the mountains. :) Anyway, after a short conversation she was thrilled to hear it was us and agreed to meet with us. We warned her that Aleigha would not be with us, and while she was of course disappointed, she understood and we promised her we would bring pictures.

I have to admit I was pretty nervous. So many thoughts and emotions kept going through my head- I can only imagine how she felt. We sat in the car waiting and waiting, ready to give up when all of a sudden I looked up and saw a family standing near the side of the street and our eyes met. There was something about her- something so familiar. Then suddenly I felt myself needing to look away because the look of saddness I saw in her eyes pierced through me like a sword. Eyes that told a story of a loss deeper than any I could ever imagine. This woman, who had given me one of the most precious gifts I have ever been given, stood before me now, dirty, unkept, and yet beautiful all at the same time. A woman to whom I owed- more than I would ever be able to repay.

The first few minutes of our meeting felt somewhat awkward... neither of us knowing where to begin or how to break  through the barriers of culture, language, and lifestyles that stood between us. We exchanged a quick hug and were then hustled into a small, Guatemalan restaurant that held 2 picnic type tables.  Not knowing what to say or what to do- I thrust 5 pictures of Aleigha towards her that I had held in the grip of my hand. As she and her family poured over the pictures I began to search their faces... I saw traces of my daughter... her nose, his eyes, her silky straight hair, his hands. Something I knew Aleigha and I would never share, no matter how much she was now 'my daughter'. And in an instant, just like that, my love for this family became fierce. A part of them, was a part of me- and I felt a sense of protectiveness I didn't expect to feel.  

As the moments passed we both seemed to begin to relax. Questions that both of us had carried for years were asked- and answered. One thing that is important to me that you know is- quite often people somehow believe that a child placed for adoption is 'unwanted'. While I know that every story is different I also believe that often that is the farthest thing from the truth. Aleigha was placed for adoption for one reason and one reason only- poverty.

And her precious birth family still faces this same struggled 8 long years later.

Aleigha was born just a year after her brother. There was simply not enough food. And, not enough food equals not enough breast milk for a mother to feed two children. My heart breaks just thinking about it.

 I will never understand, as long as I live, why one of my greatest blessings had to come in the form of someone elses greatest loss. But what I do know is that God understands- first hand-about the loss of a child. His one and only. And I trust that He and only He can bring about complete healing to this family.

And I also know He has us here now, for this very reason... to teach others the way to receive that healing and to bring hope to those who have so little.

Along with the pictures of Aleigha I gave to her birth family, I gave them the one thing I know that is more valuable than anything else in this world- a Bible.

And my biggest prayer is that through it they find the answers to eternal hope and salvation... and if they and the Lord allow it, I am more than willing to walk by their side through it.

I fully admit I have been an awful blogger lately. I had every intention of blogging more frequently once we moved here to Guatemala and yet somehow the days just seem to get away from me. Before we came, I was a stay at home mom with 9 kids- and while my days were definitely full- they were nothing like they are now. I have come to realize that being the mom of 9, plus caring for 36 more- leaves little time for blogging. Yet I long to share our lives, the things the Lord is teaching us and the people he brings into our paths. There are days when the Internet is weak, the water and electricity go off... and days that I fall into bed at night too emotionally exhausted to think. And sometimes even on the days when things do go as planned- life here just doesn't run on the same pace we Americans are used to. Everything takes so much longer. There is no such thing as a quick trip to the store and no such thing as hurrying.

These past two weeks have been full of blessings and celebrations. Blessings being I was able to spend some time visiting with a friend who works for a non profit here in Guatemala. She took me to visit a couple of families who they had recentally worked with. No matter how much I see, no matter how much I try to prepare myself- it is never enough.  Because behind door after door that looks much like this...

is a story.

A story of life,
a story of love,
and a story of hope... .

This sweet family lives just right outside of Antigua with their 2 daughters- one of whom they adopted. :)

 They welcomed us into their home with open arms excited to have visitors.

They were thrilled to show me the garden my friend had helped them build by providing them with plants.

They also helped them build a new chicken coop- all right inside the 4 walls of their home. Assurance that there will be food and assurance of His love.

 What I think I loved most though was how they were also given a new floor made of cement blocks so that they would no longer have to sleep on the dirt floor. And yet this family wasn't worried about their sleep- they requested that the cement floor went in their prayer room instead because the Lord came first in their home. It was one of those moments where I was forced to stop and take a good long look at myself... and I have to be honest-it wasn't pretty. Would I have made the same request?

Before I could get over the ugly truth I just discovered about myself this sweet family quickly scurried into their 'kitchen' to share what little they had. Even at our protest a big cup of Cola was served. My friend Desi informed me that the reason they have Cola is because it's cheap and it makes your tummy feel full when there is nothing else to put in it. Again my heart began to ache as I forced the hot, generic, cola down my throat.

At our next stop we visited the home of a beautiful single mom.

This precious lady worked all day long trying to provide for her and her two children... without much success. The meager $8 a week she made when one of her table runners were sold was just not enough to pay back the bank from the loan she had taken out trying to provide her family with a home...

The home was basic, no windows...

 and no indoor plumbing

But it was home and they were trying... and they clung to the little hope they had.


This week Todd and I celebrated our 20 year Anniversary. When I say celebrated I don't mean we did anything out of the ordinary. As a matter of fact, our day was pretty uneventful. No cards, no flowers, no gifts and no party. We celebrated in a much simpler way- thanking God for 20 years of holding us through the goods and the bads- and for the many, many blessings we have been given. Years ago I would dream of our 20 year anniversary imagining it nothing like it was. But living here and seeing what we see on a daily basis makes those dreams seem not quite so worth it any more. What we have here is so much more than we could ever hope for.God has already taken us to places we never thought we'd see and made our lives richer than we could ever imagine. In a world where 50% of all marriages end in divorce- just being here serving together is the greatest gift of all.

(old picture but you get the point;)

This week we also celebrate both Todd and I's birthdays.
Another year of life passed... and we marvel at how quickly the days go.
Each one a gift.
Each one an opportunity to make Him known.
And we are so grateful.

The 4th thing we celebrate this week is this little miracle...

2 years ago they placed her in my arms and our world was forever changed. Watching God take a child born in a grass hut in Ethiopia, 2 months premature to an HIV+ mother, who died giving birth to her- to becoming a healthy, hopping, bilingual 2 year old little girl who has no fear blows me away.. She makes us smile, shake our heads, laugh until our stomachs hurt and wonder what to do next... and we couldn't ask for more. Her story is nothing short of a miracle- from the way God hand chose her to be in our family, to the way He provided in full for her adoption. Through it all- we drew closer to the King, we felt His presence like never before- and we dared to be just a little bit more.