Some of you may have notice my lack of blog posts lately. For the past month or so our life plans had been turned upside down. I had done my best to try to hold things together and go through our days pretending everything was fine and dandy- but the truth was, inside we were hurting and afraid. It felt like our lives were crumbling around us. Our plans, our dreams- everything we had worked for seemed to be falling apart. Afraid of the unknowns, afraid we had heard God wrong- all we could do was cling to Jesus and wait.
I had spent a lot of time on my knees talking to God- and had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that we would walk whatever road He asked us to. And not only would we walk it- but regardless of the outcome we would praise Him through the storm. So, we began to do just that. Began to praise Him for our pain, began to trust Him even more with our entire lives and all of our plans. While we have always tried to do that- there was just something about facing a trial-and actually making the decision right then and there to PRAISE no matter what.
Through this trial, we began to see God in a whole different way and we began to see our lives in a totally different light. Each day seemed all the more precious. Each hug, each kiss, each moment seemed all the more sweeter. The petty things in life that used to bother us were no longer visible. The things in life that matter to us before- matter even more now.
A little over a month ago my husband, Todd, started feeling sick. A couple of us had colds and we just figured he caught a virus- as did the doctor when he went in about a week later. And, the week after that. Then at about day 19 days straight of fever, night sweats and fatigue I began to understand that something wasn't right. We headed back to the doctors once again- who promptly sent us to see an oncologist. For those of you who have been there- I have a whole new understanding. I have a whole new appreciate for our health and a whole new appreciate for life. When you are staring a diagnosis like that in the eye- it changes you. It puts things into perspective- where they should have been all along.
It was a long several weeks as we waiting out first blood test results and then additional testing of bone marrow and a pet scan. We waited and we prayed and we grew and we learned- things that we hope we never forget. As we sat in that doctors office fully expecting to hear the words leukemia- and fully expecting to be writing a blog post much differently than this one- we were once again blown away by our God.
Every test came back indicating there was no cancer- no leukemia. There had been every single sign there. Even the oncologist was baffled- and surprised at the results. Three doctors had seen the signs- and all had pointed to cancer. And yet here we were- all signs gone. All tests negative. A second chance at life.
As we walked out of that doctors office I couldn't help being blown away. God is still in the business of miracles- and the power of prayer is strong.
Several nights before Todd and I had been talking- trying to work our way through the unknowns. One thing we had noticed was that more often than not as we had shared what we were facing with others people seemed most concerned with single parenting nine children. While no, that wouldn't of course be my choice- that was not at all our biggest fear. As a matter of fact, Todd and I both agreed if we had to do it over again the only thing different we would do is adopt MORE. Our biggest fear was NOT leukemia, and our biggest fear is not single parenting nine children. Our biggest fear was simply not being able to do more with the days God has given us.
In church our pastor said something today that really hit me. He said, "the reason God left us here after we accepted him as our Lord and Savior was so that we could tell others about Him."
We exist -we live-so that we can tell others the good news. Yet that left me questioning- how many times have I let opportunities go by, how many times I have walked away from someone and not told them about my God? How many times have I made this life all about me- when really I am only here to tell others all about Him.
I don't know what the future holds- just like I didn't before the scare of leukemia entered our lives. But what I do know is that this confirmed our decision to GO more than ever. God willing, we are going. We are going to serve, we are going to love and we are going to TELL people about the one who we live for. The God of second chances, the God who saves, the God who heals and restores- the one true God.
If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it. Matthew 10:39