Have you ever felt like you heard God clearly and then everything comes crashing down at once and you begin to doubt yourself and sometimes even Him?
We just got the call from the CPS worker that the baby would indeed spend the rest of her life with her foster family and not be joining our family as originally said. Honestly, I am blown away that a judge would do this- but trying with all of strength to praise and worship God even through the hurt and confusion.
I'm trying to remember that God can see the whole picture and that 'I' cannot.
I'm trying to make sense of it all, and yet remember that my human mind cannot possibly wrap itself around how the God of our universe sees things.
I'm trying to understand why God gave us a sibling group of five and then changed it to four.
I'm trying to understand how this system works, why it's so inconsistent and why the kids are always the ones who get stuck in the middle.
I'm trying to figure out how to tell our other kids she will not be here, and how I am possibly going to have enough arms wide enough to hold them all while they hurt.
I'm trying to figure out how I will face taking down her baby bed and returning her precious pink bows, clothes and toys.
I'm trying... but this is just so, so hard.