Friday, December 5, 2008
Wanted to Clarify
I want to thank each one of you for your sweet words of encouragement and support. You have no idea how much that means. I know this system can be confusing but I do want to clarify that CPS (Child Protective Services) WAS ON OUR SIDE. They were fighting for us to get the baby and have her placed in our home with her siblings- forever. The kids were presented to us as a sibling group of five because CPS determined the children would thrive most effectively when placed together in an adoptive family. It was their wish that they remain together, the 3 separate foster families involved agreed and the adoption was set in motion. Then, the foster family of the baby decided just days before placement into our home that they wanted to keep her. (they didn't want to adopt the 4 older children just the baby). So, they hired an attorney who went to court against the CPS attorney to try for permanent custody of the baby. They won. We were not allowed to hire our own attorney because we did not have legal standing (we were just the 'wanna be' adoptive parents trying to make things right for these kids that have already lost so much). The foster family however DID have legal standing to hire an attorney because the baby had been in their home for over a year. Now I will say there are things that CPS should have done (like a find a foster home where they could be together all along or do weekly visits between the siblings) but they did not. (They did visits but not as often as they should have for the judges liking). Therefore, the judge ruled that the sibling bonds were not as strong as the her bonds to her foster family. Looking over it now, in my view there were many mistakes made along the way. The system is not perfect. Humans are not perfect. All I can say is as I held our new children today and watched the tears run down their faces with yet another loss in their young lives- I found it even harder to find a way to help them believe that we too are not ever going to leave them.