Reflections...

Have you ever been at a place in your life where you feel like you are running in circles trying to understand...trying to figure out God’s plan for you? The bible tells us that God has a plan for each of our lives... Lately though I have been struggling with trying to understand just what it is He wants me to be doing-because sometimes even though we are trying to do a ‘good thing’-the ‘right’ thing- God still closes the door. Sometimes this road block can be very painful.
I have changed as a person tremendously over the last 6-8 years. The change has been gradual… but if you knew me before and know me now you would see the change is quite obvious. The biggest change though I see is that I used to totally live my life so that it was pleasing to me… pleasing to the world. And now, well now, most days anyway- without going into a lot of details yet that I am not ready to share- my life is definitely heading in the opposite direction of what the world would view as popular. As often as I hear “Are you crazy?” I know I am going against the norm- going against what other people see as cool. I’m maturing as a Christian. Don’t get me wrong… I still have a long, long ways to go- but from where I came from- it’s been a big change.
“Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things". Colossians 3:2”

Yet being a Christ follower and living for God can be hard. I was so hoping that it was as easy as handing my life over to God and letting him lead… and the truth is- IT IS-If, ‘I’ didn’t keep getting in the way. “I” meaning my stubbornness in that even though I should know better- I still try to figure things out… and when I jump to solutions too quickly- by-passing the pain, I miss out on the opportunity to trust God. He brought me here, allowed this pain, and I must trust Him to care for me.

Yet, I still find myself acting like a child- tugging at God’s shirttail with the question, "Why?" Why did you not let me have this… or do that… why did it not work out my way? But God in all His wisdom knows that if we always have an answer for things, we will be tempted to rely on ourselves during our pain rather than turning to Him. We are not meant to understand; we are meant to trust. Trust God for what He has brought into our lives, accept that God, who planned our lives from beginning to end, will allow both joy and pain into our lives- for our own good. When we refuse to recognize this and to accept our life as God has given it- we end up with our own agenda- and end up blaming someone else for our hurt. That is where we mess up. We blame others, get angry that things did not go our way. We are so sure that we were right that we miss out on what God was showing us. We can choose to focus on exactly why God has allowed this situation and how it came about, or we can focus on trusting God for the next step.

"Your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

As children of God, it is crucial for us to trust God and all His ways. If we don't want to be driven crazy by the question of "Why?" we must realize that sometimes there are no answers- and accept that no matter how painful it is. The good thing is God’s comfort is greater than our suffering... God understands our pain- because no one has suffered more than our Father in heaven.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths. ---Proverbs 3:5-6”


Lord, please help me to trust… no questions asked… just plain old trust. Help me to not place blame, but to know that through pain, through trial- is where you will grow me most. Lord, help my life to be pleasing to you and, more than anything, always, I want to be used by you.