Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Reluctant Husband Syndrome Part 2

In Reluctant Husband Syndrome Part 1 we ladies took a good honest look at ourselves and the part we play in our Husbands reluctance to adopt.

I have prayed about Part 2 for a long time now, seeking God over how to word this. What I have found however, is that there is no easy way to say it. So, I'm going to make this straight forward and simple- and hope that our guys are "man enough" to take it.

Yet not only man enough to take it- but man enough to be willing to take a good long look at yourself- and the condition of your heart.

Over and over I have heard woman say "My husband is just not sure he could love someone elses child or a child who does not share his blood".

That actually cracks me up- because he loves you doesn't he? And I'm certainly hoping YOU are not his blood relation. ;0)

So I am pretty sure it has nothing to do with loving someone elses child who is not 'blood related' and all about simply LOVE...

Of self.

Often times, without even recognizing it, we become protective over our lives. Protective over the things we place the most value on. Our time, our finances, our stuff, our desires, our wants, our needs.

We fear these things will somehow be taken from us- so we cling to them in desperation and become reluctant to let go and trust God to give us something even better.


And before we even realize it...



LOVE of this...


or this..


or this...




or this....




or this...



or this...

.

or this..



means more to us

than this....



Now I want you to understand I am not saying there is anything wrong with watching football, hunting, golfing, money, relationships or going fishing- but when any of these things stand in the way of us following Jesus-there is a problem.

I also want you to know I am not saying everyone is called to adopt. But I do believe that often we cannot even get to a place where we will earnestly seek God's will on adoption for our lives because we cannot get past the fear that it is going to cost us something...

Something that we are not willing to give up for Him.

But I want you to remember is that God doesn't only care about the orphans- He cares about you too. He cares about the condition of your heart. As the head of your family you have a big responsibility to live your life as an example and lead your family in faith.

True faith will result in a changed life style.

Can I ask you something? When you take a good long look at your life - can you see evidence God is there?

One day you will stand before the God... whether you believe in Him or not- and He will ask you what you did with the things He blessed you with - your time, your talents, your finances- your life.

The bible is very clear when it say: "No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money." Luke 16:13

It's black and white.

Either or.

No in between.

You are either going to live your life like it's all about you- or all about God.

Which one have you chosen?

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20 comments:

Mom to 9 Blessings! said...

Praying for hearts to change and soften toward God with you my friend!

Well done faithful servant!

Love you,
Jill

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

It's so sad and true. Praying people will search their heart.....that we all will search our heart to make ROOM for HIM!!!!

The Tam Family said...

I love this. I am in contact with a dear lady who just today wrote to our yahoo group that she was giving up on the idea of adoption from Reece's Rainbow because her husband was getting mad and irritated with her for bringing it up. God is speaking thru you, Amy. I can't wait to share this with her.

Love wins,
Renee Tam
5cajuns.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

I don't want to say I have given up on adoption -- because my heart reminds of a little girl waiting for us...a child we have sponsored for the last year...a child that needs parents. But my husband says NO. We can't afford it. He actually wants me to choose him or adoption...is that fair? I have not brought it up again -- out of fear. I have prayed...but am slowly losing faith. Where do I go from here?

Deborah said...

What a great follow-up to "Reluctant Husband Part 1". Your words are inspiring as I wait for my husbands heart to change.

Lisa said...

I love your blog and your heart for Christ and the least of these. I posted a link on fb to this post. I have had SO many people come to me with the same comments and situation. Our church just posted a video that is along these lines - extremely powerful if you are interested. It's only about 8 minutes long.

http://www.ellerslie.com - the video is posted there on the home page right now.

His Hands His Feet Today said...

EXCELLENT POST!!!
Love,
Kim

Freedom Hollow Farmgirl said...

What an incredible post. I put it on my blog, I hope that is ok. Really spoke to my heart. This is the situation we are in with my husband. Just this weekend he bought another gun and a table saw. Makes my heart so very sad. It is all about having more stuff. UGH

Blessings,
Suzanne
freedomhollowfarmkiddos.blogspot.com

Jessi said...

Anonymous....be encouraged you are not alone. I too have felt the calling of adoption for almost a year and a half with my husband adamantly saying no. No we don't have money, No I don't want to have any more kids period, No I like where my life is going right now...I've heard it all.

I used to bring it up all the time and I could tell it was alienating him. So I prayed the Holy Spirit would put a hand over my mouth any time I would bring it up when my husband wasn't receptive to hearing it....and there are times I know HE is closing my mouth because I desperately wanted to share something with him.

I had to realize that adoption at the expense of a ruined marriage is not the answer. God wants your willingness...and he has it. God is in the business of redeeming and restoring but also in the business of teaching us to trust Him. That is the hard lesson I am learning. I want to control it all.

I will say that this period of waiting (as that is what I am choosing to see it as) is grooming my faith and bringing me closer to God. I am studying and learning about all the good, bad, ugly, and redemptive stories about adoption. God has led my heart down many roads and opened my eyes to so much. I have been encouraged, scared, enlightened, angered, and overwhelmed by it all. But through it all the conviction has remained. So I know this isn't a knee-jerk reaction but a true calling from God.

See if my husband would have said yes right away I think I would have paid God lip-service for pulling it off but in my heart I wouldn't have had to trust on Him at all. I would have said "We" did this- and my faith wouldn't have grown this much. But now I am realizing this is all about God...and I am in a place now where I am desperately trusting Him to see us through this. So when the time comes for my husband to say yes....we'll see God's hand ALL over this...from changed hearts to a changed family. Miracle indeed.

Maybe, Anonymous, God is preparing you for your own miracle. Praying that is so.

Amy- thanks for your words and candor. Your post is my husband to a tee. I hope hearts are changed. :)

Jessi said...

Anonymous....be encouraged you are not alone. I too have felt the calling of adoption for almost a year and a half with my husband adamantly saying no. No we don't have money, No I don't want to have any more kids period, No I like where my life is going right now...I've heard it all.

I used to bring it up all the time and I could tell it was alienating him. So I prayed the Holy Spirit would put a hand over my mouth any time I would bring it up when my husband wasn't receptive to hearing it....and there are times I know HE is closing my mouth because I desperately wanted to share something with him.

I had to realize that adoption at the expense of a ruined marriage is not the answer. God wants your willingness...and he has it. God is in the business of redeeming and restoring but also in the business of teaching us to trust Him. That is the hard lesson I am learning. I want to control it all.

I will say that this period of waiting (as that is what I am choosing to see it as) is grooming my faith and bringing me closer to God. I am studying and learning about all the good, bad, ugly, and redemptive stories about adoption. God has led my heart down many roads and opened my eyes to so much. I have been encouraged, scared, enlightened, angered, and overwhelmed by it all. But through it all the conviction has remained. So I know this isn't a knee-jerk reaction but a true calling from God.

See if my husband would have said yes right away I think I would have paid God lip-service for pulling it off but in my heart I wouldn't have had to trust on Him at all. I would have said "We" did this- and my faith wouldn't have grown this much. But now I am realizing this is all about God...and I am in a place now where I am desperately trusting Him to see us through this. So when the time comes for my husband to say yes....we'll see God's hand ALL over this...from changed hearts to a changed family. Miracle indeed.

Maybe, Anonymous, God is preparing you for your own miracle. Praying that is so.

Amy- thanks for your words and candor. Your post is my husband to a tee. I hope hearts are changed. :)

Treasures Evermore said...

Oh Amy this post is absolutely the best...I hope you don't mind if I use a quote some time...the place where you mentioned about your wife not being a blood relative...laughed at it first, but OH so true.

I feel so sorry for one of the previous commentors because I totally understand. My husband had no interest in adopting. We had three girls and he was fine with that. I nagged him and to no avail. Then God finally told me to stop nagging and start praying. So once I got out of the way and just started falling before God in prayer...plus never bringing it up to dh again, God moved and wow did HE move. I pleaded for more than four years to adopt a son. And after I got out of the way,and just started praying, God brought us a son from Thailand in less than a year. And now we are on our fourth adoption. How mighty is the hand of God when we pray.

So to the anonymous person, know that I will be praying for you and all others who have dh's not ready for adoption.

Oh my, God is going to move mountains with this post Amy....thank you for being His voice in this.

Blessings.

Chris said...

Some powerful words there...bound to step on some toes.
But you are SO RIGHT!

connie said...

So very true. I have seen God change hearts of those who at first firmly said 'NO.' It is up to Him, and we miss the blessing when we don't make room for Him to change us. His plans are so much better than anything we can even imagine...but fear and pride keep us on our own path. As my husband says about all the 'stuff,' "It's just smoke!" Thank you, God, for changing our focus and changing our lives!

mamamargie said...

Excellent post. It doesn't just apply to men either. Any of us can get caught up in chasing the stuff of this world and ignore God's prompting, be it adoption or any other kind of missionary work.

I knew I was called to adopt kids before I got married. in fact, I had already adopted two kids before my husband came along. We talked at length about future adoptions and when I was assured he was on board, I said "Yes!" to his proposal. We've been married almost 9 years now and have adopted three more. In January we start the adoption process again.

Emily said...

This was fantastic, Amy. Thank you for sharing!! I've been eagerly anticipating Part 2 and was afraid I had missed it...

I appreciate your words. Thank you again!

Angel said...

Another GREAT post my friend. Hugs, Angel

Ladyblog said...

great post!

Kristi J said...

wow,great post...all SO true, kj

darci said...

love this!

Holly said...

http://purposedrivenfamily.blogspot.com/2011/01/when-wife-wants-to-adopt-but-her-hubby.html

My link to your RHS posts.
Love you Amy!!
~Holly