Monday, September 28, 2009

Beans and rice~ day 28

I pretty much figured by day 28 we would most definitely be feeling like we were ready for this bean and rice challenge to be over.


28 days of eating beans and rice for dinner- enough said.


But what I didn’t expect however was the feeling of guilt that would come along with that.


Guilt that in just 2 days I wouldn’t have to eat another bean or bowl of rice for as long as I lived if I choose… and the guilt that I have that choice.


Guilt that after this little ‘challenge’ was over that I could go on with my life, open up the frig and prepare whatever served our fancy.


Guilt that I could make a quick trip to the grocery store and throw whatever we pleased into our carts.


DAILY.


3 meals a day.


It breaks my heart that we had such a small taste of what more than half of the worlds populations lives every day- if they are even that lucky, and we thought it was challenging.


It makes me sick to my stomach that we turn up our noses and say we are tired of eating a dish that most people feel fortunate enough to get- even once a day.


It makes me sad that we are that spoiled- and I honestly hadn’t even realized it before.


It makes me feel embarrassed that our challenge has almost come to an end…

Yet their has not.




Before, I thought I was being frugal to clip coupons.


I was proud of myself when I found recipes for meals that would feed my family for just $5.00.


Did you know that $5.00 could feed about 35 children one meal in Uganda? 35 people...


So today, I am not feeling what I expected to feel- thankful to never eat another plate of beans and rice, thankful that it is almost over.


Instead I am feeling like what I really want to do is much, much more.


Please show me Lord. Show me how.



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18 comments:

Eight Isn't Enough said...

What a great post...thank you for sharing your true heart. I feel the same way, how is it possible for me to go about my every day life trying to make subtle changes to save money one day, but blow it the next. Going to thrift stores and spending only a few dollars where otherwise I would have spent way more buying new...but then spending more money on my food budget for that day because I tried something new that cost a bit more?????

My mind is constantly going and I cannot wrap my brain around it. So I pray for peace, asking God to show show me little ways every day...not tomorrow or the next, but today...areas where I can save. Wisdom for the moment. So that tomorrow, if God wills my life here, I will do the same.

You truly have an incredible spirit...I am priviledged and blessed to have crossed your blog via (I'm not sure), but God knows and you challenge me every day with your heart for orphans and the ways in which to help.

God bless you and your family as God continues to pour Himself into your lives.

Holly said...

Lifechanging perspective Amy.
Love you,
Holly

Blessed Mom of 8 said...

Amy - God is not finished with you yet and the things in which He wants you to see are going to continue to open as you walk in such faithful obedience!

You are such a blessing to know!

Praying you are feeling better!

I love you sweet friend!
Jill

Dardi said...

You have such a beautiful, sincere heart! I think God is well pleased when we really take time to reflect on where we are & what we are called to do. Do not let darkness suck you into feeling like you are not making a difference. If all of us evaluate our circumstances, we can make a difference, even if it's one child at a time. It is powerful what you are teaching your children & those you connect with. The tiniest drop in the water can have many, far-reaching ripples!

Are These Kids All Yours? said...

Feeling convicted myself...can't remember if I shared this with you or not yet, may post about it soon some more, but there is a book called Hope Lives- a journey of restoration by Amber Van Schooneveld- very powerful book on poverty and our lives that are sooo overly Blessed!

Karin said...

I am so with you in this. It is so hard to sort it all out. I have been feeling so much guilt since our very first trip to China in 2000. I do try to be frugal, but I look at what I live with and think about how many people could be fed with my 'spare change.' We give a lot to orphan care--but it never seems enough. There is a fine line between the constant attacks of guilt from satan that pull you down, and the example of Jesus--who didn't have a pillow to call his own.

I haven't figured it out yet--maybe I never will. All I can do is be obedient to whatever God shows me.

Kelli said...

God bless you for sharing your heart...you have inspired many!

bbqdaisy said...

I found your blog on Shonni's list and I would have to say that EVERY time I come on I leave feeling completely INSPIRED to live more the way that I know my Creator meant for me to live!
Thank you!
Maria

Shannon- said...

He will. In his time.

Beautiful Mess said...

Wow! Can't wait to see what God does with all of that through you.

Thank you for your honesty!

God bless you and your family!

natali said...

the truthfulness I love! GOD is great, isn't He?!

Renea Lynch said...

Truly amazing. I'd love to know (or have been a fly on the wall) your children's conversations with others as they've lived this small sacrifice this month. You've shared your heart and being their mother I can only imagine the truth they are sharing with their friends... you will touch more lives than you know.

Blessed to have come across your blog so many weeks ago. You truly inspire so many of us to be better and strive to live His will for our lives. Since my trip this summer to Haiti I spent weeks being so frugal and the guilt was overwhelming. I have to frequently remind myself that God places us where we need to be for reasons. He has blessed us abundantly so that we may do for others. I'm thinking I may take this challenge myself next month.
But I'm wondering how the gas level is in your house now? ;) lol ♥

Cari Bacon said...

You are so right. When I went on a mission trip to the Bahamas, there was a neighborhood that was so rough and so depressing that after spending the entire day there, I could not wait to leave. That evening our group talked about the experience and how terribly sad that we had the choice to leave, but the children and families did not. That was their life 24/7. Shame on us for taking so much for granted.

Tonya said...

Amy, I can identify. The fast was incredible; revealing, rewarding and life changing. Such a life change that I find myself literally rendered silent. Asking more questions. More searching. Longing to live out the purpose God has so perfectly pathed for me. Willing and wanting to give up everything to follow Him. Serve Him.

I have missed you and prayed for you daily; what a blessing it is to pray your babies home! I have so much to talk with you about!!! Uganda?!? I have daydreamed of meeting you there..

Love you friend. Let's catch up.

James 1:27 Family said...

I love how the Lord draws us nearer to Him when we take out our worldly distractions... Thank you for sharing. My heart is right there with yours. Some days I can barely focus on my real life and I have to really seek God's Will to decide what He wants me to do with these feelings. I was sharing with a group recently about adopting in Uganda and having so much extra here in the US. I shared the quote from the top of your blog and one woman said, "God is sovereign and He doesn't expect us to fix all of these things." What a dangerous mind set, I thought. I'm thankful to be connected to like-minded people and pray that God will turn the hearts of others.

Much love in Jesus,
Amy

Melissa G. said...

Wow, this is my first visit to your blog and i'm blown away by your heart.
When i saw that photo of those children I made me want to scoop them up love on them and feed them.

Stori said...

I don't think anyone could have stated my feelings better. We are on our third week of rice and beans and all I feel is guilt. Embarrased by the statements that I am doing something so wonderful. I am simply not doing enough.
So glad I came upon your blog : )

RACHEL said...

I am with you -- feeling spoiled, and praying that God will change me! Thanks for your blog... we're in our first ever adoption process (Uganda) & your example is inspiring.