Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Runner



I am a runner.


No, not that kind of runner- not the kind that goes out early in the morning, stretches, and has sweat dripping down her temples. All it takes is one good look at my rear end and you would know that was not what I was talking about. I am a runner from hurt. It took me a long time to face that- but it is true.

In the past if someone has hurt my feelings, I would simply walk (or run) away from that relationship. Relationship over, done deal. Don’t look back, forget you. I’m outta here. But over time I have realized that by running – I am moving too fast for God to accomplish anything in me.

Yesterday there was an individual who made another hurtful comment gearing towards Kadens race. My first instinct was to get angry and then, yep you guessed it, RUN away. Go lick my wounds, maybe call a close friend and tell them all about it. Then, never, EVER, EVER talk to that person again. Avoid them at all cost, write them off, never look back. But what I have discovered is- no matter where I run- hurtful comments are going to be there. We are humans and sometimes we say and do things without thinking before we speak or act. No matter how far or how fast I can run-I will never be able to get away from human sin. When we said yes to Kaden, we said yes to facing a world full of racism. We knew, unfortunately, that was part of the package-and we said yes to God anyway. As I was praying about it this morning- sharing my heart with God- I heard Him gently remind me that the change must start within me. I must be an example.


So today I am leaving my running shoes behind. Taking them off and packing them away. Because I have realized when I am so out of breath from running, so exhausted- I cannot be of any use to anyone. Today the change will start with me. I will stop running, slow down and just love people right where they are, as they are. I want to show others how to see past Kadens skin and right into his heart- through my example. God created Kaden just the way he is- for a purpose- and God has plan for his precious life. I know that part of my plan is to love my son exactly the way he is and to teach Him about the one who created him. In my heart I believe that people really do want to do what is right, but sometimes stereotypes and prejudice are so deeply embedded into us that we don’t even realize they are there. My job is not to run from those who make comments- but to lovingly teach them. In doing so I will be an example to Kaden too so that he will grow into a man who is proud of who he is and how God created him. Then, if one day he still feels like he needs to run- it will be right into the arms of Jesus. The one who knows without a doubt Kaden has immeasurable worth, because after all, He paid the ultimate price for his life with His own.

I have told you all this so that you will have peace of heart and mind. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows; but cheer up, for I have overcome the world. John 16:33

5 comments:

The Engelhardt 4 said...

I know that this can and may even be difficult to do, but I also know that you will do this. You are an amazing example of what a Godly mom and wife is. I don't know many people who go looking to set people right and confront them when they are being 'mean' or 'ugly' to us. I know confrontation is not in my blood. Keep up your great work in teaching all of your children and loving them like just as Jesus does. You ROCK! Blessings sweet friend.
Elizabeth

Live to love and laugh said...

I am so sorry someone would say anything to you about Kaden. His personality shines through his eyes and he is gorgeous, inside and out. All children are beautiful in God's eyes and how can we reflect Him if we are interested in skin color?
Give those big chocolate brown cheeks a kiss from me tonight. I will be praying for you.

Doreen said...

Good for you Amy... yes it is a sad thing still with the many multi-racial families God has created, that there will always be someone out there who does not have enough love in their heart to see the precious person behind the color of their skin or race.. you will raise Kaden to be strong and love himself and God will always be there for him..and so will his amazing family that God chose for him. HUGS...doreen

Holly said...

Amy-
I used to be a runner too, but I finally realized that conflict happens and you can't outrun it forever. I understand running from pain, but God has showed me that it's okay to embrace pain sometimes as long as I allow Him to be Lord over the pain and not allow the pain to be the Lord over me, does that make sense?
Anyway, I used to get my feelings hurt way more easily than now and God has done a lot of pruning in my life to get me to where I am and there's SO much more to be done!
Sometimes when issues arise surrounding our adoption of a child of another race, I feel defensive and easily angered but as I work through it... so often, God has something greater going on both in my life and in the life of the person offending... if I will STAND on His promise to be with me always instead of running away.
I'm glad that you are hanging up the running shoes.. God has so much to teach you and BLESS you with my friend! Do you ever wonder sometimes if adoption isn't way more about YOU than about your adopted child in terms of the teachable moments and blessings?
Yeah! God's ways are a mystery!
Love,
Holly

Live to love and laugh said...

Today's devotional verse is 1Timothy 4:4-5 "For every creature of God is good, and nothing is to be refused if it is rececived with thanksgiving."
In my mind this includes families and also our beautiful culture rich children. God knows you are thankful for his gifts to you. Stay strong.