Friday, January 9, 2009

Just a glimpse

Tonight at dinner I was walking around the table serving the kids. I was talking and explaining to our kids that tomorrow a couple from our church that is interested in adoption will be coming over to visit with us (they are using the same foster agency we used and part of their training is to 'observe' a foster or adoptive family). I continued on, serving up the mashed potatoes, and saying how I was so excited that they were wanting to adopt and how happy I was for them. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw Lainey look at Jayla and then they both sort of sank down into their chairs with a devastated look on their faces. So I stopped what I was doing, put down the bowl, went over to them and asked if they were okay. Tears started steaming down their little faces and they were both visibly shaken. With as much courage as she could gather Lainey said in this small voice "I thought we got to stay here forever." It took a second for me to understand... a second to realize that I was getting a glimpse inside their world. My beautiful, precious little girls thought I was telling them that yet another family was coming to take them away. As I held them both in my arms and hugged them, over and over I assured them that there was no way I would ever, EVER send them away. No way that I would ever, ever not be their mommy. Forever and ever and always.
How do I begin to prove that?

20 comments:

The gFamily said...

Time, prayer, and everything you are doing right now! This post brought tears to my eyes. I can't even imagine what they have gone through in their little lives. They are so precious!!

Amy said...

Just keep telling them.

That just breaks my heart.

Praying for you and them.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Amy! That's heartbreaking! I'm so glad they have you all now!

Lisa H.

Jman's momma said...

We had an adoption support group meeting at our church this week and talked about grief, our kids' grief. About how adoption - though a life changing event - can't fill the hole created by relinquishment.

Read this blog post -
http://adoptivedads.org/embracing-the-grief-of-adoption/

I am so glad they have you as their mom. By God's grace, you are able to let them know that you hurt with them and you love them FOREVER!!!

~anne

Recovering Noah said...

That just breaks my heart, Amy. :(

Give those girls extra big hugs and kisses from the kids, okay? They are so LOVED.

P.S. How is Lainey liking school?

Leslie

Rachel said...

Oh, poor babies! Lillian is the same way - she constantly thinks from normal conversation that she is going to go away. I don't have a solution except for to constantly tell her otherwise and prove her wrong!

blessedmomto7 said...

Oh the sweet ones. Mine did very similar things. After being here 4 years now, we still reassure them that no matter what they do (behavior wise) THEY WILL NEVER LEAVE! I pray some day they will all lose those fears.

Mandy said...

That is so sad for them! I cannot imagine ever feeling like your sweet girls must. Sounds like its something that only lots of love and time will solve.

Christina said...

Oh my I felt that to the deepest core of my heart. Being an adoptee and also having the privilege to be an adoptive mommy I can relate to your sweet children. I can say from experience that what you did was the right thing to do...continue to show them that love and let them know you will FOREVER be their mommy. Hugs my friend.

Jennifer said...

Poor sweet babies.......love and time will bring them the security they need and long for.....love and time.

Carey said...

Oh, how their little minds work. They are so blessed to be in your family...as you are blessed by them.

Leah and Maya said...

I don't think there is anything you can do more then you do already, I thnk only time and them seeing that no matter what they do they still are part of the family and you love them, we all have some issue's and this might be something that is always a part of there's thru their life, it sucks but they are really lucky that they have such a great family now.
I am really not a lurker I leave comments sometimes. We have a beautiful little 2 year old from guatemala. My blog is rather boring with mainly picture's but that makes good reading for her foster family in guatemala.

Amy Clemons said...

On a positive note it means that they have completely accepted you as their mommy. THEY WANT YOU.... which to me means so much towards their progress. Although their reaction may be perceived as heartbreaking it is a great blessing that they feel part of a family now. They just need to be reassured of "FOREVER" which will take time. I admire what you are doing in the lives of so many children. You are an inspiration!

Welcome to four kids for us! said...

This happened once or twice with our oldest daughter Misha. When our social worker would come for our monthly visits, just the sight of her paper, pens and clipboard would upset her and she would start to cry. She felt in her mind this was just one more person who would be moving her on and away from us. It is so hard to prove our devotion and love to our children in the beginning. I am so glad that the girls have you and this wonderful family.

Amy said...

Oh Amy, this brings tears to my eyes. Things that we just don't even consider pass through our children's minds sometimes. May the Lord help them to see the secure home that they have with you and with Him.

Thought I would share a similar story. We were going to visit friends that had just come off the mission field and were home on furlough. We went and had a good time, but when it was time to leave our about 4 year old said to us, "it's okay, I can live here". Here we were visiting friends and he thought we were looking for a new home for him. It broke my heart and still does today.

I am praying for your family, though we have never met I feel that the Lord has led us down similar paths.

Pam said...

That is so hard... and my heart breaks with them... and it breaks over the one that we thought we could keep forever but it wasn't ment to be so... praying for you.

Melinda said...

I just can't even imagine what must go through those little minds. So sad that a child, any child should have to go through what they have. I don't even think we can really wrap our brains around the things they have seen and have had to endure. My heart goes out to them and I pray that daily they feel even more loved than the day before and that they can have a peace that only Christ can bring and feel at "home". You guys are doing a great job! Can't wait to see those beautiful faces here all over your blog when they "officially" become your kids!

The Engelhardt 4 said...

What a rough life they have already had to endure!! I would say to continue to tell them, continue to love them, and maybe take them on mommy dates and daddy dates. It will come!! Sending you love and hugs!!

kim p said...

It almost makes me cry to hear your story. What blessed girls they are to have finally found a forever home!

Jenn said...

Heartbreaking, but I can so relate!! My adopted daughter has some severe attachment/security issues. I continue to love and pray that God will heal her heart, as I'm sure you do too!

BTW, found you through Leslie's (Recovering Noah)blog.