Thursday, August 7, 2008

You came....

“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

Tonight as I was getting ready to tuck Mya and Aleigha into bed I found them eagerly searching their bookshelves looking for a bedtime story they loved. We have a regular routine that we follow every night before bed- books, potty, brush our teeth and then bed time prayers. These moments at the end of the day with my children are priceless. It’s often in these times, in the quietness of the evening when the busyness of the day has come to an end- that I get to really look inside of their heads and their hearts. It is this time when I get to glimpse of who they really are and where they have been.
Tonight as they dressed in their matching purple Dora nightgowns, grabbed their books and jumped on the bed I had no idea… no clue the memories that would come flooding back to my precious 5 year old Mya just from reading a childhood story. Aleigha had chosen the book “Ten In The Bed” by Penny Dale, one of her all time favorite tales. I know we have read it a hundred times before, but for some reason tonight it was different. For some reason tonight Mya would be reminded of a time where fear consumed her and a time when she felt hopeless- alone.
The story takes place in a cozy cabin in the woods where a small child is ready for bed, all snuggled up in a fluffy double bed, covered by a thick quilt, surrounded by tons of stuffed animals. When it’s time for bed the little one is trying to get comfortable and so the story begins… “There were ten in the bed and the little one said, ‘Roll over, roll over?’ So they all rolled over and Hedgehog fell out… BUMP! There were nine if the bed and the little one said, ‘Roll over, roll over?’ So they all rolled over and Zebra fell out… OUCH!” The sing song story continues on counting down the animals that fall out of the bed until at last the little one sits up in bed all alone and the book reads ‘There was one in the bed and the little one said, I’m cold… and I miss you!” (showing a sad face and tears in the child's eyes) “So they all came back… and jumped into bed- Hedgehog, Mouse, Nelly Zebra, Ted, the little one, Rabbit, Croc, Bear and Sheep- Ten in the bed, all fast asleep”. As I softly closed the pages of the book it was then that I saw the look on Mya’s face- it was then that I noticed the tears. As she snuggled her little body as close to mine as she could, she whispered to me… “When my birth mom left me at the orphanage I felt like that too mommy… I was alone and I missed her so bad. I kept hoping she would come back just like those animals did … only she never did.” As she lifted her tiny hand to swiped at a tear that was running down her cheek I saw the hint of gratitude in her eyes… and as she looked up at me she said “but you came mommy. You came for me. Thank you”..
Pulling her even closer into my chest, I held her for the longest time whispering in her ear and promising her that I would always be here for her and that never again would she be left alone. Tonight as I held this precious child, comforting her- something inside of me changed. There was a time when I was afraid of an ‘older child adoption’. A time where I didn’t think I could ‘handle’ the unknowns… a time where I felt incapable, afraid. I realized all of those fears, all of those concerns- are valid. I alone, in my own strength, cannot. But with God’s grace and strength I can. Holding Mya close I knew that no matter what the cost, no matter how scary, how uncertain, how BIG the storms of life become- I would never again be afraid to love another. There are times in my life where I have been guilty of feeling sorry for myself. Guilty of letting myself get overwhelmed by the small things in life that in all honesty are really not a big deal at all- a broken lawn mower, burned dinner, a traffic light that turned red too quickly. There are times when I haven’t been able to see past my own wants that I have ignored the pain of others. And times where I have heard God, yet ignored Him because I was too busy making my own plans. I have no guarantee how many days I have left on this earth, no guarantees that my life will be easy. The only thing I am guaranteed of is Christ’s love and I will give all that I have and all that I am to share that love with others. People will inevitably come into our lives and then out… but in the time God has given me- I will love them. Regardless of the unknown, regardless of the possibility of being hurt, regardless of the possibility of not being loved back, regardless of our differences I will love no longer holding back.

As I kissed Mya and tucked her into bed I couldn't help but wonder though... what about the ones still waiting? What if no one ever comes for them? Perhaps you will? Perhaps God is calling you now to be the one?

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

7 comments:

Recovering Noah said...

Oh my word, Amy. That needs a Mascara Alert warning at the top. I'm sitting here blubbering like a baby. What a sweet, sweet post. And it just breaks my heart to know that so many children around the world are waiting for a Mommy and Daddy to tuck them in at night.

I just love your family so much!!

Just wanted you to know that.

Anonymous said...

I know that Mya will never have to worry about being left. She has all of you, us, and God to love her. I pray that more people will want to do this for the other Mya's in this world.

Gram

Leslie said...

What a precious moment...

Jman's momma said...

Oh Amy, what a cherished moment! I loved reading that tonight.

That verse - 2 Corinthians - oh boy am I working on that verse. Thank you for the prayers - that means so much! Anne

The Engelhardt 4 said...

Girl you are so full of inspiration and challenge all at the same time. I am speechless and can't figure anything else out, though there is much more to comment. blessings.

Holly said...

Amy- This is beautiful...insightful and transparent.
I, too, am sometimes caught up in fear and doubt about our own older child adoption...but what gets me through the fears is the knowledge of WHO has called me...and knowing that He is MORE than able to equip me. There might be some pain involved. Yes, I might experience some serious pruning that will be uncomfortable...but I trust the hand that cuts away the parts of my life that are keeping me from bearing more fruit.
Thank you for sharing...I have not been able to keep up lately....and tonight I was blessed by your testimony.
Oh for increased FAITH to trust Him MORE!!
love,
Holly

Rhonda said...

Oh, Amy, what a post! I CAN NOT read it without crying...everyone in my office too! Thanks for sharing. You just amaze me with all of your writing!