tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post803875804310074364..comments2023-06-02T08:01:26.422-07:00Comments on BUILDING THE BLOCKS...: As the scars fade...Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13006198193450517574noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-72431870505681796092010-06-20T20:50:38.840-07:002010-06-20T20:50:38.840-07:00i identified with this post so much. it is so har...i identified with this post so much. it is so hard sorting through those hurts, trying to understand the behaviors, the fears, the anxieties. and to remember that you cannot take it personally... i may need some of those notes around my house too! a friend of mine wrote post about this subject- of the emotional disabilities, the sensory disabilities, etc that her daughter is dealing with and that my sweet son is dealing with- and she made a statement that with a physical disability it is so visual that you can't foget it... where as these emotional disabilities or issues are unseen and so it's easy to forget everything they have hidden inside.. and we often- as loving parents- try so unsuccessfully and naively to FIX them, when what they really need is to be accepted and loved for who they are- fears, outbursts of sad and often frustrating behaviors, the pushing away... all of it. <br />our kids have often gone through more in their short lives than we will EVER in our whole life go through... and it cannot be "fixed" in a few months, 4 years, decades... it's learning how to survive through it, make progress towards security and trust and just love, love, love them.Jocelynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09463972684857892138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-73277473408789026282010-06-19T21:28:07.066-07:002010-06-19T21:28:07.066-07:00Thank you, Amy!Thank you, Amy!Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08092644337384215685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-20427581063330577792010-06-19T10:55:23.650-07:002010-06-19T10:55:23.650-07:00thank you fo rsharing this-we serve an amazing hea...thank you fo rsharing this-we serve an amazing healing powerful God. love darcdarcihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11729565512380024608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-4535494267922278812010-06-17T12:45:30.738-07:002010-06-17T12:45:30.738-07:00Thank you for your post, we all need a reminder to...Thank you for your post, we all need a reminder to not take it personally! Our 6 yo daughter came to us at 4 mos. as a foster daughter but went thru many months of devastating visits before us adopting her at 3 1/2 yrs...she has many scars and definately has a different way of dealing with things and people because of what she has went thru. Loss is difficult, I so wish I could take all the hurt away!MyLindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13129596870030033711noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-20796055407459862312010-06-17T12:08:46.587-07:002010-06-17T12:08:46.587-07:00My 28 year old daughter came home to us at just 3 ...My 28 year old daughter came home to us at just 3 months. While she would be the first to tell you that she has "the best parents in the world," she still struggles with abandonment issues. She has always been a people pleaser and highly self-motivated, a daughter anyone would be proud of, and we certainly are, but she still fears our rejection. I tell you that not to discourage you, but to encourage you to keep the faith. We can provide the love and tools for them to trust, but they have to use them. I keep praying God will break through her scars. I'll be praying for Mya too.Debbie Doughtyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16540179561363230197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-30874734847688479162010-06-17T11:25:49.886-07:002010-06-17T11:25:49.886-07:00Praying for you sweet friend. Sending lots of lov...Praying for you sweet friend. Sending lots of love and hugs.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17691697736820145802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-64650840406579638712010-06-16T19:03:38.240-07:002010-06-16T19:03:38.240-07:00Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. I would l...Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. I would like to adopt a slightly older child soon, but my husband is concerned about the emotional scarring that comes with. I can show him this as a way of proving what a beautiful, wonderful, PERFECTLY CREATED child you have!Ling!https://www.blogger.com/profile/15761628535901424532noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-54638634886057288332010-06-16T17:03:40.626-07:002010-06-16T17:03:40.626-07:00Thank you so much for this post. I so needed to r...Thank you so much for this post. I so needed to read this TODAY :) I am grateful for moms like you who share the real stuff. It helps more that you could ever realize.Audreyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00717572082353050374noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-8617280849845944702010-06-16T16:29:01.602-07:002010-06-16T16:29:01.602-07:00What a wonderful post. One thing that kept me movi...What a wonderful post. One thing that kept me moving forward with our adoption before we had our daughter was that no matter what problems I heard about, they did not seem any harder than the problems I was having with my natural kids...so I figured that whatever problems my daughter might come with...I would not have any assurance that it would not have been just as hard if she had been ours from the beginning.<br /><br />So, that's true for you, too. You would not have had the same problems if she was yours from the beginning, but you could easily have had just as difficult problems.<br /><br />It doesn't make the problems easier to handle, but I think it makes them easier to take.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-75921185057772216412010-06-16T15:55:54.039-07:002010-06-16T15:55:54.039-07:00Just a quick comment, I have read many times that ...Just a quick comment, I have read many times that there is usually a "turning point" if you will once you have had the child as long as they were in the orphanage or away from your care. It may be that once she is with your family past the point that she was with you...that you will notice change. I know that was true about my son, although he was only a year old when we got him. I continue to be amazed at how emotionally scarred he is as well. People just don't understand how exhausting it can be, unless they have lived it. Blessings to you and your precious children.Pamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15037209772047529465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-39415818625356049562010-06-16T13:48:40.791-07:002010-06-16T13:48:40.791-07:00There are so many things.....that hide beneath the...There are so many things.....that hide beneath the surface and sneak up on you.....sometimes when you weren't looking. We struggle a lot with various things- insecurities, people pleasing, going up to anyone, and the list goes on. Makes me realize HOW MUCH WE NEED HIM to help our children. Thank you for sharing."Are These Kids All Yours?"https://www.blogger.com/profile/17946903135252874458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-70077771523814025152010-06-16T11:52:43.902-07:002010-06-16T11:52:43.902-07:00Thanks so much for this post. My husband and I ar...Thanks so much for this post. My husband and I are in the process of adopting a 9 year old girl from the foster care system. I realize that a child that has been through so much can easily be labeled and pigeon-holed into a life that is filled with hurt, and yet I truly feel a peace that God will use her story to glorify Him. I am full of the hope that only comes from Him that she will be able to overcome her many obstacles. I know it is going to be hard, and yet I feel at peace about it. In fact, I am decorating her room around the theme of "bloom" and that is why the last thoughts of your post meant so much!Tessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00758369863527156566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-28529024921138894192010-06-16T11:47:43.610-07:002010-06-16T11:47:43.610-07:00I agree with you that no mom is perfect, but you a...I agree with you that no mom is perfect, but you are pretty darn close! You are an amazing mom and the proof is in the beautiful children you have.... not beautiful on the outside (although they certainly are) but beautiful on the inside.<br /><br />Our second son was 10 weeks when he came home to us and he has some issues surrounding his adoption too. We remind him over and over that we love him, we chose him, and we're never leaving him.<br /><br />Thanks for sharing this. I know many families will be encouraged.<br /><br />Much love to the Blocks!<br />AmyJames 1:27 Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09790032381626423763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-75595429157363820472010-06-16T11:13:25.382-07:002010-06-16T11:13:25.382-07:00Oh so true. It takes much time and patience to tr...Oh so true. It takes much time and patience to try to help our children heal from the scars that run deep ... the invisible scars that may even become more pronounced as the years go by.<br /><br />Thanks for sharing.<br /><br /><br />Laurel :)Laurelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17253303288242135440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-74991823612818445612010-06-16T10:48:32.371-07:002010-06-16T10:48:32.371-07:00Wonderful post! As a Mama to three, soon to be fou...Wonderful post! As a Mama to three, soon to be four that became our children at an older age, I can so relate. I have finally learned by the third, not to take it personally. And with my second, there is a hurt so deep inside him, that my love has not yet reached it. He's a joy and I love him, and it hurts me that I can't take the pain away. My oldest has his issues too. Maybe they always will. But as frustrating as it can be sometimes to have to cover "old" ground, what they are really looking for is to one more time hear you say, "I love you forever and always and you will always be my child." <br /><br />Thanks for reminding me what a blessing our special children are because we get to watch them grow, mature, and see God work in their hearts.Kimberliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00682309129537807752noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-53893374399046312662010-06-16T10:34:03.327-07:002010-06-16T10:34:03.327-07:00Amen, thanks for sharing your heart and the Truth....Amen, thanks for sharing your heart and the Truth. Jesus is truly able to transform their hearts and minds.Mama in Ugandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17917910829934315863noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-27943654495890317892010-06-16T08:29:21.538-07:002010-06-16T08:29:21.538-07:00Wow, Amy, I never realized that Mya was a little o...Wow, Amy, I never realized that Mya was a little older when she came home. The pictures only show a happy, smiling, beautiful little girl. It breaks my heart to think of her going through the abandonment and remembering. Bless her heart!<br />I do think that all adopted children deal with these issues to some extent but it has to be harder living through it than imagining how it went down. I fully believe that this is where God's extra measure of grace is given.<br />Lisatrustandobeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00882983227018954307noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-14699909635431564872010-06-16T08:15:26.432-07:002010-06-16T08:15:26.432-07:00Do you (or any of you other ladies) feel that chil...Do you (or any of you other ladies) feel that children who are adopted at birth have the same issues to work through?<br /><br />Thanks! :)Rebekahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08602491487316230482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-71713351455661227082010-06-16T08:10:58.239-07:002010-06-16T08:10:58.239-07:00A very touching post Amy, thanking for sharing you...A very touching post Amy, thanking for sharing your daughter's story. My daughter was 1 yr. at adoption and while she won't remember anything about being abandoned I'm sure I will face many questions.I believe the best way to deal with this is providing a stable environment,constant reassurance and above all mirroring God's love.<br /><br />She's a beautiful girl and is truly blessed to have a mom like you.Sophiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12939551240745198586noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-4824695928159526582010-06-16T06:53:43.374-07:002010-06-16T06:53:43.374-07:00Thanks, Amy, for sharing that. Perfectly timed as...Thanks, Amy, for sharing that. Perfectly timed as we are diving in to our first older child adoption very soon. The adoption blogs are so valuable to me, because it's very few face-to-face people that can relate to this.Carihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14559175677390596901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-71633633897250823842010-06-16T06:36:26.446-07:002010-06-16T06:36:26.446-07:00As you know, this topic is very near & dear to...As you know, this topic is very near & dear to our hearts. As you stated, life is full of hurts, & for some, there are deeper wounds than for others. The BEST thing you said was that you can't take it personal. Joe continues to try to drive that point home with the teachers in our schools...the realization that so many of these children have "stuff" going on & it's not a personal battle. Sometimes, we have to understand that we can't fully understand.<br /><br />Amy, you're doing a great job! Mya is blessed to have people that will continue reaching in to bring out every treasure she has yet to discover about herself! Praying that you continue to receive much grace so that you can continue giving it!<br /><br />Love you ~ DardiDardihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11506811940537594798noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-47526963500190151802010-06-16T06:27:24.513-07:002010-06-16T06:27:24.513-07:00that was a truely wonderful post, thank you for sh...that was a truely wonderful post, thank you for sharing. I am not in the position as my Maya was given up at birth and then lived with foster parents until I moved there and we lived together until we could get home. She might not remember it but she does talk about us living there, and when she was a baby living with her abuelita (thats what we call her fostermom). We are starting the process again and I do hate ( I kow thats not a great work) but I do that as wondeful as adoption is at some point there will be hurt rational or not becasue they were given up by a parent.Leah Maya Benjaminhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18167997949670119040noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6317477880142153579.post-88153318066679604232010-06-16T06:12:17.628-07:002010-06-16T06:12:17.628-07:00Amy,
I really hope you will read the book I am fi...Amy,<br /><br />I really hope you will read the book I am finishing now. It will reveal so much to you about them, you and how good God is in our lives to heal all that is deep within us.<br /><br />I love you and this post is so true! I have written a few of these myself because of the pain many of our children still deal with today from almost 3-6 yrs ago. Our oldest will deal with them the most because she has a false sense of the truth from when she lost her BM. <br /><br />HUGS!<br />JillAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17247824698674815568noreply@blogger.com